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When we are dating, we make an unspoken bargain that the person we are dating will remain the same person after we are married. No one bargains or plans for divorce when they stand in front of God and say “I do.” However, divorce is a reality in this country. Divorces are multiplying at an alarming rate. Marriages go bad. People who claimed to be one thing when you dated and married them do change into someone you didn’t bargain for and don’t want to stay married to “until death due us part.”
When one person desires to leave a “bad marriage” (or “bad relationship”), the other person feels hurt, angry, betrayed, and seeks out to vent these emotions by acts of revenge. Divorce does not give anyone a right to hurt innocent children because of their anger and hatred, nor to exact revenge on another person. We are responsible for what is happening to our children. All we do is make excuses.
No one wants to say out loud that some mothers do abuse, kill, rewrite children's memories, and history with their fathers to make children hate “daddy” like they do. No one wants to admit children are being denied visitation with loving, caring, non-abusive, child-support-paying fathers, because it would not be politically correct to make this accusation about our Genghis Moms of the 90's.
It is much easier in today’s society to follow our ethically challenged Clinton administration’s one line subliminal message of deadbeat dads rather than have legislators expend effort, or suffer political wrath of Genghis Moms to change divorce laws and shorten the time it takes to get a divorce.
Challenging the legal system
Most divorces can take 2-4 years. In that amount of time, mothers of the 90's can emotionally and financially devastate fathers and destroy forever their relationships with their children. Attorneys, judges, and our legal system (and now “mediators” and psychologists) are involved in a multi-billion dollar a year business. They have no desire whatsoever to see laws changed to save our children from divorce court hell.
Our legal system will do nothing to change divorce from a money making proposition to what is best for our children. Our system must consider how children's lives can be structured with love and consistency from both parents. We must stop visitation and child support from being used as tools of revenge.
Now we have a new, scary, politically correct concept hitting divorce courts - mediation. Who do you think mediators are - attorneys, of course. However, if you don’t succumb to endless trips to mediation, you are once again guilty of being a “bad” father. Will they stop at nothing to make money off the misery of our children?
No one wants to publicize (or say out loud, let alone do studies, and make it an issue in this country) there are too many ill-intentioned mothers who neither give a damn nor unconditionally love their children. If they did, they would put aside their anger and let their children love, know, and visit their fathers.
Because the person who was left cannot or will not accept their bad marriage is over, they set out to hurt anyone who gets in their path. Today’s statistics will bear out children have become victims of dysfunctional marriages and divorces, mostly because adults are hung up on monetary considerations and revenge. Too many babies are born for monetary value and bragging rights, not out of pure, unconditional love. Otherwise, adults would naturally include sacrifice with the other responsibilities of raising, loving and doing what is best for their children.
Modern mothers
Women of the 90's are well educated. Too many of them and their friends network to manipulate our legal system to use good laws (set up for their protection against violent crimes) to exact revenge on fathers. Children are intentionally kept from their fathers, even though those fathers pay child support. Fathers are forced to go through one court battle after another in their attempt to have visitation enforced; usually to no avail and at great expense personally, financially, and emotionally. False accusations of stalking, harassment, and child abuse are thrown in by Genghis Moms to make sure a father who has fought to rightfully see his children is finally and forever branded a “bad father”.
Enough of this. In response, I wrote Guerrilla Divorce Warfare to incite passionate debate, and change divorce, custody, visitation, and child support laws. Only 20% (numbers quoted on CNN) of the fathers in this country do not pay child support. Yet, there is no press, studies, or outcry that child support has become a way to get backdoor alimony, and how many mothers intentionally deny visitation.
What happened to the legal concept that child support is not a consideration in determining visitation? What happened to mothers sharing in the responsibility of children both monetarily and emotionally? Why don't children have a voice in their lives and futures? Is it any wonder children no longer care about anyone or anything or even themselves. Adults certainly have proven to them they are only a dollar amount. As one mother told her little girl, “children ruin marriages.”
Why this book?
Many have asked me why I, a woman, wrote a book to help men win in divorce. Based on my professional experiences and experiences of close friends and family, today’s politically correct society brutalizes deadbeat dads, even those who are not deadbeats. Our courts, press and legislators have purposely overlooked a very important point — children and fathers are now primary victims, not women.
There is no motive to my book other than to bring this to the attention of the public. We all wonder what happened to our children. Ask our children why they didn’t or can’t see a father they loved before he asked for a divorce. A father who wasn’t bad until he asked for a divorce.
I wrote Guerrilla Divorce Warfare to show men how our legal system is stacked against children and fathers, and how to fight for visitation and a fair and equitable determination of child support. Mothers are not included in these calculations; only her expenses leading to a backdoor alimony.
My book is out of necessity as more and more children are victims of Genghis Moms. Yes, a very derogatory nomenclature. If the shoe fits, however, you are guilty of intentionally destroying your children because you hate your ex more than you love your children. Genghis Moms intentionally play vengeful games targeted at fathers for the sole purpose of destroying them because they had the unmitigated gall to ask for a divorce and nothing more.
Everyone in this country needs to sit up and take notice of what is happening to our children. Pennsylvania has passed a law punishing custodial parents for "intentionally denying visitation." Kentucky and Tennessee have similar legislation before their legislators. Thank goodness, a trend has started. I hope it carries to every one of our states. I commend those fathers who fight for the right to visit their children.
My book is in defense of neither men nor women. They are adults and can take of themselves. If my book helps one child to see their father despite Genghis Mom games and our greedy legal system, then my work of passion has succeeded.
I am weary and angered by everyone ignoring the real problem in divorce court. It is a wonderful bridge we are building to the 21st century - a bridge that separates more children from their fathers. Will it never end? I have seen too much carnage, pain, destruction, and devastation. Stories in my book are true. It’s very sad and painful to admit. Children are turning to drugs, alcohol, and suicide to cope with what is happening to them inside and outside the courtroom.
Children are dependent on their parents. They have no control over their lives. To put it bluntly, I don't give a damn about adults in this world. Children are being destroyed every day by legal games and maneuvers for sole purposes of destroying that person who left a bad marriage. Our legal system is filling their bank accounts off the sweat of honest, hard working, loving fathers. These fathers are trying to keep it all together while they fight against “intentional denial of visitation.” — so sayeth Pearle Harbour
Children are forced to see court appointed psychologists in order for these psychologist to dig up some sort of dirt to justify Genghis Mom denying visitation. Children are forced to stand by and watch our legal system keep them from their fathers. No one publicly acknowledges “intentional denial of visitation” has risen to astonishing proportions in the 90's. Nice bridge we’re building to the 21st century for fathers and their children.
How would you like to be forced to talk to a psychologist? I mean forced; almost immediately after the divorce is filed. How would you like to be forced to listen to your mother daily berate a father you dearly love? How would you like to be forced to never see your father ever again because “it’s for your own good.” Your own good, of course, determined by a Genghis Mom simply seeking revenge because your father left. A Genghis Mom who lacks the self-esteem and motivation to get over her anger let alone get on with her life, and doesn’t know the meaning of unconditional love.
Who should be forced to see a court appointed psychologist at the onset of divorce? How would you like to live with someone who abuses you, uses you for the amount of child support (backdoor alimony) they can get, and really doesn’t give a damn about you because you ruined her marriage.
Children are learning love is controlling, hurtful, painful, and extremely conditional. Plus, they are seeing how effective it can be as a tool of revenge to destroy another person’s life when that person doesn’t submit to their controlling demands. I shudder to think of how the next generation will manipulate our legal system.
Some have said there is a lot of anger in my book. Unfortunately, true passion is too often erroneously tagged as anger. There is no anger, but a lot of passion.
Guerrilla Divorce Warfare is not a hardball tactics book (although many have suggested I should add these chapters). I did not write it to tell men how to do evil or illegal acts to the mother of their children. I neither condone nor think these tactics help anyone, especially our children.
It is a book which provides tools to help men gain equal justice in our legal system, and a better understanding of how the system works. I hope these tools will help them gain access to their children and a fair and equitable child support determination that will let them and their children have a normal life after divorce. My book is for the average person who simply wants a fair shake in our legal system when he or she asks for a divorce and visitation with his children. My title may be misleading. My message is not. Don’t let anyone keep you from your children who love and need you. They are the children lost, missing and wounded in battle.
There is a rumor on the net that Vice President Gore, with Dianne Feinstein as his running mate in the year 2000, will make child support and deadbeat dads a major campaign issue. Let’s make Genghis Mom and intentional denial of visitation major campaign issues, too, and keep our children from becoming tools of destruction.
This is not intended to be legal advice. Seek out a professional for legal advice. Pearle Harbour’s comments are copyrighted, and not to be reproduced in whole or in part without express written consent.
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