Analyzing "FeMail Product Announcement"

A humorous post regarding a fictitious product, "FeMail," has aroused complaints of sexism. Here, we examine the subject to see if there is any merit to the complaints.

This new product will reduce your communication needs considerably.

The female will satisfy most of your needs for connection. You may not feel so compelled to search for further affiliation.

Its intuitive interactions will often leave you scratching your head in wonder.

Females possess holistic powers to instantly intuit situations and people. Younger males never cease to be astonished, and be outwitted by these remarkable talents.

From your minimal communications with this package, it will quickly presume who your friends are (and even what their habits are), who you should be communicating with in order to enhance your career …

These are instantiations of the female's genius to intuit, and to use the skill to benefit the female and her male.

… and let you know continually whether you are communicating effectively with the FeMail itself.

This same penetrating perception alerts the female herself immediately as to whether you are listening to her, taking her seriously, and are "concerned" and affected by her feelings. In short, if you "really care" for the female.

You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary communications with friends and associates.

This is the working of a program deeply embedded in the female core memory, to induce the male to focus on the female, thereby ensuring the female's well-being.

Your FeMail will intercept incoming communications from all sources and make a determination as to whether or not they should be relayed to you.

An elaboration of the above-mentioned program.

The FeMail is especially thorough when examining messages from other FeMail systems. These messages will be examined for intent as well as content.

Embedded in the above program is a sub-program to guard against other females' attempts to divert the male's attentions from his female.

Messages received from other Mails will be scanned for intention by your FeMail.

The female checks as to which males might lead her male astray from his primary focus.

Any messages that will reduce your productivity at home or at the office (invitations to bars or parties, where the FeMail may lose contact with you for more than two hours for example) will be delivered to you only after they can no longer be acted upon.

Productivity, yes. But also, fear of abandonment by the male is deeply rooted in the female core memory.

A true productivity increase is then possible, and your FeMail will even help your decide how to use this spare time to attend to maintenance issues.

Deep-seated instinct in the female to guide and control the male to provide for the female and her DNA transmitters.

In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far beyond your comprehension. Often times the FeMail responses you receive will be 180 degrees different than the direction you thought you were heading.

The objectives of male and female are the same: To use the other through contribution, caring and collaboration to propagate its own DNA. Because needs, roles and responsibilities of the male and female in this project are quite different, the strategies of the male and female are also quite distinct, and therefore somewhat mysterious to each other.

In every case though, you will be compelled to agree with the decisions that your FeMail makes.

This appears to be the direction in America today, except perhaps for a few religious groups. Hermaphroditic and androgynous, dogmas and estrogen-mimicking pollutants are believed to have contributed to confusing and debilitating the male system vis-à-vis the female, especially in developed countries.

Most areas where a FeMail is installed find that agreeing with the FeMail is easier than attempting to justify opposing logic.

Or perhaps, the demands of a "strong" or "powerful" female, who is manifesting her masculine side.

The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendoes (even some you may not realize), Inflection, and Encryption. The encryption package is particularly effective, allowing other mails absolutely no chance of interpreting interchanges between two FeMails.

Poor, powerless, exploited females have an arsenal of God-given, or naturally-evolved, weapons in the so-called Battle of the Sexes.

You will find yourself becoming dependent on the interactions that a FeMail makes possible. Once the FeMail begins working in your daily activities, you may find yourself changing certain actions to avoid conflicting with the FeMail suggestions.

Any nay-sayers?

The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only for a single user interface in most cases.

It is advantageous to the fitness (DNA propagation) of the female to be monogamous in a monogamous society.

The instructions included with your FeMail indicates that it may interact openly with other Mails in a conversational mode, but that you should never interact with someone else's FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most certainly not in an interactive mode.

As it own strategy is usually monogamous, the female core brain sees its own interaction with males as harmless. But the female core brain knows that, built into the male core brain is a somewhat different strategy for maximizing its own fitness (propagating its own DNA).

The FeMail communications links have demonstrated an ability to intuit these actions even if you believe your FeMail would be unaware of the interaction.

No kidding!

Continued interaction with FeMails that are not your own will be considered a security violation, and you may find yourself cut off from interaction with your own FeMail.

You betcha!

Because of the complexity and high-level of interface required, there are certain times, based roughly on a lunar month, when your FeMail system may behave erratically. During this particular cycle, your interactions with the FeMail should be monitored closely, and offensive or interpretive language removed. The FeMail may misinterpret even simple communications efforts during this short time. This is an unavoidable problem that the FeMail and Mail have endured since its inception, and we are still attempting to overcome this minor glitch.

But for heaven's sake, do not ever let the female know that you know that her erratic and stressful behavior is only this "minor glitch". She will flame you and your logic-based compassion into ashes. At these times you must love her, hold her and take care of her, and assure her that her feelings are herself, (just like her opinions).

Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the data indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when it can loosely associate it with other facts not necessarily related to the communications process. You will find these recollections and associations puzzling, but they all contribute to the operation of the FeMail system.

Yes, this is not another "minor glitch" . This is another female core-brain program to maximize its own fitness, but which occasionally works not only to the discomfort of the male, but also to the dis-utility of the female.

Obtain Femail today, and you will be surprised at the changes it will make in your life!!

Yes indeed, both delightful and otherwise.

There is not even an iota of criticism of women in the sketch "Introducing FeMail", as alleged in a recent e-mail.

Instead, the work demonstrates a remarkable insight, using simple evolutionary biological principles, into the workings of the female psyche.

This perceptive and compassionate sketch honors the powers, the gifts and the integrity of the female.

This work is very apt as a script for Initiating young men into Manhood: A young male should be discouraged from being with a female, unless he has been mentored to dance with these natural forces in the female psyche, and not be dominated by them.

Unfortunately the presence of these instincts in the female tend to be denied in "advanced" societies because their females could not be that primitive. And because experts in the Helping Industry in these societies have declared in exquisite detail, in thousands of reports, the inscrutable complexity and contradictions in their females.

The experts' works are not only lucrative but also self-fulfilling: Many females in these countries, which are usually English speaking, have overlaid and confused their natural instincts with so many psychological and "spiritual" concepts, that many may be seen searching to discover "who they really are" even up to their late fifties, or becoming Angry First Wives. They become verbal-mental, and truly complex and incomprehensible, and are occasionally referred to as Women of Wisdom.

Often, in their liberated but unfulfilled state, these females tend to whine, abuse, make demands and manifest their "masculine side", in which case they are referred to as "strong" women. These women, who are usually white, middle-class and secular, are a great boon to the Helping Industry, as well as to feminist writers who use their "stories" as evidence for the devastation wrought by the Patriarchy.

Many men in these societies, who have been avidly hanging on the words of their numerous witch-doctors, and whose brains have been anaesthetized by the PC Gestapo, have become quite mixed up too. This confusion, combined with the natural caring of the male for the female, his great dread of her disapproval, and an instinctual propensity to protect the female from males of inferior behavior, may unconsciously compel the male to attack the script "Introducing FeMail" as "sexist" and demeaning to the female.