I entered into the "court zone" when I chose to continue being a part of my children's lives. I once believed the courts were a place of equal justice and fairness -- if you spoke the truth and were honest, then justice would prevail. Now, I believe the court system is no more than a theatrical arena.
Parents should have equal rights not only in financial contributions, but in the responsibilities of raising their children. I have been in court over thirty times attempting to attain equal rights in my children's lives. This is only possible if we have courts that are fair and unbiased.
Approximately five years ago, I attained a somewhat equal role in my two daughters' lives. At one time I stayed home five months caring for them. That was a time I will always cherish., However, this joy was short lived. Again their mother made threats of taking the girls away from me.
I felt I was protected by a premarital agreement and a joint custody order. Indeed, the children's mother was twice found in contempt of court for withholding my daughters and not complying with the joint custody order.
Soon I was again deprived of my girls, only this time they were withheld with preparation and planning. When my ex-wife and her mother alleged that I had physically abused one of my daughters, my status changed from a father with joint custody to one without any rights whatsoever. I was not even allowed to speak with my girls.
After two and one-half months, over $3,200 in attorney fees, another $900 in retainers for a psychologist, the court recognized that the charges were unfounded and that I was a good father. My daughter told an investigator for the court that their mother had told them to say that I had hurt her, and she said both she and her sister wanted to live with Daddy.
One would think that redress for this would be reversal of custody or, at minimum, a reinstatement of joint custody. Instead, the court granted sole custody and sole decision making to the mother, and I was to work toward overnight unsupervised visitation. This situation was supposed to be temporary until the court-ordered psychologist evaluated the matter.
However, my ex-wife's next step was to manipulate the court for a support order of $1,643.36 per month. Now, I have a support debt approximately $33,000, or about four times more than I've earned since our divorce. Is it any wonder that mothers choose to negotiate only through an attorney and go to court?
During the past five years I have only been able to see my daughters once, during a supervised visit! Most of my mail to the children has been returned. Court-ordered telephone contact has been so frustrated by the mother that it has become impossible.
During that time, my parents felt I could not handle the emotional anguish of returning to court. They felt it would be necessary to obtain Grandparents Rights if they were ever to see their grandchildren again. The court ordered an evaluation for which my parents had to pay. The evaluator decided that it was very important that the children be allowed to establish a relationship with their father's side of the family, and testified in the court that their mother was alienating and poisoning them against me and my family.
The court completely ignored the testimony of the evaluator, ruling that Grandparents have no rights. My parents were ordered to pay $9,175 of the mother's attorney fees as well as their own. Through this experience my parents saw what I have been dealing with: A biased court, an ex-wife who can shed tears for sympathy one minute then turn around, smile and wink the next.
What can I look forward to as I now confront this situation? I will likely encounter new lies and fabricated allegations from my ex-wife and an aggressive attorney interested only in support monies. During the summer of 1994, I fasted for 60 days in protest outside the King County Courthouse in downtown Seattle. All the local media interviewed me, but chose not to tell my story because it was "too controversial." What they really meant was, it was too controversial because I was a man. Had I been a mother protesting for her rights, it would have made the national news.
Today, I live in Venezuala, where women and men still respect one another. I dedicate this to my daughters whom I love and miss: Dannie and Lindsay.