The Backlash! - January 1996

There are those who maintain that there are few, if any, examples of wrongful allegations in a divorce, and they have begun their propaganda blitz with shaded statistics to bolster their argument. See, for example, Louise Armstrong's Kiss Daddy Goodnight, Pocket Books, 1988. It is doubtful we will ever win the propaganda war on this issue.

In 1982 feminists claimed that one in five females had been the victim of sexual molestation. In 1989 they claimed that three in five women have been the victims of incest. Feminist apologists also claim that less than 2 percent of the sexual abuse allegations that arise in divorce cases prove out to be false. They cite a "study" by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts in Denver. The study does not state what is claimed, and does not even address the question of veracity of allegations, merely how frequently they occur, which is in and of itself misleading because the vast majority of abuse allegations never see the light of the Family or Conciliation Courts. If they are adjudicated at all, it is usually in a form of Juvenile Court and rarely in the divorce courts. In addition, most of these allegations come up during a divorce verbally in pre-trial proceedings between the lawyers to leverage the financial settlements.

Over the course of the years I have spoken to many women who were quite blunt that their lawyers had "advised" making an unfounded allegation of sexual abuse as a "tactic" to "settle any potential custody issue" and to "advance the woman's financial settlement interests."

I have also met penitent mothers who made the allegation out of anger and fear, and honestly did not realize that things would go as far as they did. Once trapped in the lie they couldn't extricate themselves, or if they attempted to do so were "blackmailed" by child protective workers who threatened that the children would be taken away from them as well if they recanted their allegations.

Many attorneys, with whom I have socialized, who specialize in representing women, or who have come to be regarded as women's champions in divorce, have slyly confided encouraging the use of the "tactic" of unfounded allegations of sexual abuse because "it puts the bastard on the ropes real quick!"

This article is not about the potential motivations for making wrongful allegations of incest. Nor is it about answering radical feminist diatribes on the statistics. As I said, we just aren't going to win that debate no matter how much evidence we have that the statistics are hyped! Incest does occur, and incest is more common than any of us feel comfortable with. We are not in the business of rationalizing or excusing incest.

What this article is about, is to again dispel much of the mythology about defending one's-self from a wrongful allegation. We have learned from bitter experience that the vast majority of lawyers are incapable of defending such a case. Most don't even want to try. Those who do, do so largely for the money that can and will be made. I can't even guess at how many cases we have assisted on over the years where the entire extended family was placed in bankruptcy to defend wrongful incest allegations.

Why do the cases cost so much and why are so few successfully defended?

These cases are legal gold mines. People are usually panicked, and rightfully so. Nothing provokes more fear for a man than to be accused of incest. Many react in a foolhardy way. They believe that truth will find its way out. Little do they know about how the system really works and the many hidden agendas they will encounter along the way. It is unfortunate that of the thousands of people I have spoken to, the vast majority, by the time they got to me, had been totally bankrupted and there was no hope for them at all.

Few men realize that when they first hear the allegation of incest from their estranged wife just how serious the situation potentially is, and is most likely to become. Men also don't realize that their best chance to deal with the occurrence is right at the very beginning. They rely on assurances that no criminal charges are going to be filed because they haven't been, not realizing that "investigations" sometimes simmer for years. All it takes is one avenging angel who believes that incest has occurred. Even if the ex-wife is silent on the matter.

Moreover, there is the risk of disbelief on the part of the lawyer in the allegations. Yes, you heard me right. When your lawyer has put down the allegation as just another bitter woman striking out, and he approaches your defense from that viewpoint, disaster is on the horizon. What I am suggesting is that the estranged wife's motives are an irrelevant consideration in determining how to handle the situation. Others will become involved, and it is their motivations that should concern us more.

Few lawyers know the child protection system and the personalities in it and their motivations. Even if they'd like to help, they just aren't equipped to do so. They lack essential knowledge. Small solace when you can never see or speak to your children again, and you face 20 years in the state prison.

Enter the "A-Team"

Reason: we're good at what we do.

We still start by hitting hard and fast to destroy the wrongful allegations and to bury them. While our team may cost a bit more than most local lawyers at the start, what you need to remember is the END cost. In contrasting the fees charged by our A-Team to what is charged locally, we have found that in cases where we were in at or near the start of the cases the end cost to our clients was less than half what people with very similar cases paid local representation.

It is our philosophy to foreclose, wherever possible, the necessity of going to a trial. We do that by accumulating absolutely overwhelming evidence of our client's innocence of the allegations. And we try to do that as rapidly as is humanly possible so that the case doesn't drag on and the situation escalate from neglect. We front load cases by getting state of the art testing done. And we use sources that are unimpeachable.

Over the years, I have heard many tragic stories. Ones I wished we could have helped on. We could have helped much earlier in the cases, but by the time they came to us they had been left destitute and helpless. I have seen cases where fathers were bound for prison and out of money. There wasn't even a few dollars left to fly us in to advise the local lawyers on what to do. All we could do was talk about what should have been done that wasn't.

If you are facing an abuse allegation and need help, give Men International a call at: 813-786-6911. We also help in cases of alleged spouse abuse and spousal rape.