Every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, adoption." -- John Stuart MillI wrote the following article in an attempt to inform and encourage those of you who haven't taken the big step. What big step? Oh, let's call it going against the grain, being politically incorrect, or how about being the only one at a party who's arguing for men's rights. This was my first experience, and although it wasn't a glowing success, I learned something.
The topics of discussion cover the gamut of current issues. We stop at Tailhook, where it is agreed heads should roll. Sexual harassment, gay issues, local politics, national politics, "not like the greedy eighties," someone blurts out, and the name Reagan is mumbled in disgust.
The flavor of the evening is beginning to establish itself. Eventually, the conversation moves on to women's issues, and it appears that women's issues are really about men, and a less than equitable system created and dominated by men. There's a sense of agreement at the party, a kind of "nod and wink" atmosphere. No Archie Bunkers here.
It "appears" that there is agreement until, hello, wait a minute...could it be, is it possible that one timid, not so politically versed male is about to come out of the closet. Is about to...defend men?
It could have been the wine, or it could have been the fact that I had just finished reading Warren Farrell's The Myth of Male Power, or that I had long ago noticed that since the late '60s the typical "party conversation" among "boomers" hadn't really changed a whole lot: i.e., it often involved the diminishment of men and the aggrandizement of one's favorite special interest group.
So, as I recall, somewhere around the point that the conversation was focused on a "sexual harassment" case where a man in a bakery was being sued for cussing. The wine got the best of me and I blurted out something about me drawing a line in the sand (Desert Storm? Was I declaring war?) and that I was no longer in support of society's continual badgering of men, that men were...(my mind was racing at this point) well, men were victims, too!"
The lady to my right immediately retorted, "Oh, that's just what we need, another group of victims." By now, I had committed myself and started defending the man who was accused of sexual harassment for cussing on his job.
"Listen, this poor old guy is just going about his business, he's been working in a factory setting, cussing all of his life, and bam! he gets sued for sexual harassment? You gotta be kidding!"
In my struggle to maintain the offensive I quickly followed up with something about society being dominated by special interest groups, and how men are being blamed for just about everything. I let it be known that it's a misconception that men have all the power. Blame it on the Merlot, but those statistics out of Warren's book, the ones that should have been flying out of my mouth, well, I think the word "not" sums it up.
At some point in the conversation, another man said, "Bull! Men control this country; why are all the CEO's men?
Of course, I didn't have an answer, but I was on a roll now, so I decided it was time to throw out the only statistic I did remember: "You know that women and men die from similar cancers at similar ages (women, breast cancer, men, prostate cancer), yet women have 600 percent more funding than men?"
I admit, that statistic really didn't have a lot to do with sexual harassment, but sometimes you have to divert their attention. I thought things were going my way, and I was, in fact, a pretty good advocate for men's rights, but as I looked around I noticed that almost everyone at my table had decided, en masse, that it was time to go to the bathroom. The only person left was the one who had originally told the joke about men.
We both acknowledged that I had, in fact, encouraged the bladder problems. He said, joking, "Hey Bob, don't quit your day job."
To be recognized, you have to become a vocal group of victims. To continue to get attention and funding, you have to keep the victimization alive. That's a dilemma. Can there be a men's movement without all of the trappings of victimization? A men's movement that acknowledges the inequities and taps into the strength and passion of men? That solves some of the problems (concerning men) in society and then goes on to accomplish more?
Every now and then I get a glimpse of something potentially powerful in this men's movement/issues thing. By looking at history, I know that men have incredible power. Power to go to the moon, to start and stop wars, to write the most passionate novels and give the most impassioned speeches. Somewhere inside of me, I know, is that same male power. Ultimately, the men's movement might be about channeling that toward our next evolutionary step. We've focused our attention on women, blacks and gays for the past twenty-five years, and it looks like there's just a few mopping up operations left. So, maybe it's time for men. To examine, clean up our act and channel our powers. But channel it where, and for what? What are our concerns and priorities?
I haven't quit my day job, just yet. But, for me, the next step is to put together a men's talk. No easy task. There are endless directions a men's talk can take, and if the party is any indication of what might happen, I realize that before I step out my front door, I will really need to have my "ducks" in order. If I have the power to drive people to the bathrooms en masse, then perhaps I have the power to keep them glued to their seats, too.
Ideas must work through the brains and the arms of good and brave men, or they are no better than dreams. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Robert Ross resides in San Diego, CA, where he teaches computer skills and freelance writes for a living.
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