The Backlash! - May 1995

Our first letter is from Fred, who says, "My girlfriend thinks I should pay at least half the cost for her birth control pills, but I figure she ought to take care of that herself. What do you think?"

Don't waste your money, Fred. If she doesn't want to have a kid, she won't. And if she does, you shelling out for a bushel basket full of pills won't stop her. Just keep on a gettin' your whip wet every chance you can, and let the chips fall where they may.

Here's a postcard from Samson, who asks, "My boss wants me to get a haircut, but I like it long. What goes on?"

Employers have more faith in men who're willing to cut something off for them. (Damn, Sam, just be glad it's only your hair she's after!)

A query from Schlomo reads, "Why is it that men have to register for the draft but women don't?"

We draft people to send them to war. When you go to war you get your legs blown off and stuff. When the war's over, do ya think the guys that pass these laws want to have to go through town seein' a bunch of legless women walkin' around?

Now here's one from Ray Morgan, a man lacking in good taste. "Frankly, Singh, I don't think you're that good of a writer. Your sarcasm wears thin and many of your views are so radical as to place you squarely outside the realm of rationality."

May the seagull of happiness drop a blessing on your head.

Jim Panzee asks, "Why do women always get the kids in a custody dispute?"

For the same reason that male canines manipulate their testicular appendages orally. Because they can.

Beau Z. Cloun asks, "Why do men die 7 years earlier on average than women?"

Because they want to, I guess. (Hell, look at the alternative!)

Next, we hear from Lucy, who asks, "If the ERA ever passes, wouldn't women be forced to serve in military combat duty?"

Relax, Lucy, the "R" in ERA stands for "Rights," not responsibilities. The women who wrote the ERA want to be able to fly fancy fighter jets stateside, not sleep in muddy foxholes.

Lamar has an opinion: "I've made it a point to study feminist writings as well as those of the men's movement, and I feel that speakers such as yourself are way out of line on affirmative action. Women need all the help they can get in overcoming the discrimination perpetrated by our fathers and grandfathers."

That being the case, Lamar, I'm depending on you to free up your cushy, high paying job as an IBM executive by turning in your resignation tout suite. That way, some poor welfare mommy will finally be able to come into her own. Hold your breath waiting for the sisterhood to thank you for your sacrifice, okay?

J.J. ponders the following: "Why do so many men object to our tax dollars going to help out unwed mothers?"

Gosh, J.J., search me. Maybe it has something to do with the constant nagging they hear from their own wife and kids about how they want more money out of dear old dad's paycheck. A lot of guys figure that paying less in taxes might help them support their own families. Go figure.

Jose submits, "Why all the fuss over the Susan Smith killings? When you think about it, all she did was endure a self-administered post-partum abortion - and abortion is legal, ya know!"

Good point, Jose. Ya got us on a technicality.

Maurice wants to know, "Why do so many men shave? Why do employers and women in general prefer clean shaven men?"

Men shave because they want to be accepted by those around them. Look at your own terminology, Maurice. If "shaven" equals "clean," then "bearded" equals...? Only men can grow beards, and maleness is filth in our society. Wouldn't you prefer to spend your time around cute little children or a pretty woman instead of a man? I can't think of a better way of forcing a man to look more like a woman or little boy than to make him choose between social rejection or scraping off the outer layer of his face every day.

And we conclude with a missive from Alfred: "How are the big changes in Men's Rights going to be affected? Through concerted socio-political action taken by an organized coalition of male activists, or some other way?"

Men as a class don't take care of themselves, Alfred. Never have, never will. It was the men of this country who fought to free its slaves in the mid 1800s. And it was USA men who similarly gave up their lives to free the Jews from the Nazi prison camps. But America's men won't stand up for themselves anymore than the workhorses on the traditional farm will up and decide to pull a load of their own food. Any changes that occur will be generated by a few key men who will go to court and make case law using the anti-discrimination statutes that women wrote for themselves.

And yes, there will be fair-minded judges who will decide that what's good for the goose is good for the gander - but they can't lay down their decisions until somebody like you or me files suit.

The questions for us today, Alfred, are, "Who among us will be the one to care enough to stand up for the American man? Who will have the balls to fight against the oppression of male citizens, expecting no support or encouragement from any quarter?