Enjoyed the article in the (Seattle) Times, good to see you getting some recognition. It did portray you and your magazine as a bit misogynistic, though.
Jim, WA
Educational interventions
I am writing about exciting new materials available for educational interventions with parents and children of divorced and divorcing families.
We are all aware of how traumatic divorce can be for children. The greatest harm is done by parents' continuing conflicts. Parents need to learn how to recognize the difficulties their children are having, and learn simple communication and cooperation skills that can minimize or eliminate the problems caused by putting children in the middle of parents' problems.
At the same time, children can learn a variety of useful skills and techniques which will empower them to deal with some of the problems created for them by their parents, and to confront their own emotional and social difficulties.
The Center for Divorce Education is a non-profit organization dedicated to the development of the most effective educational tools to ease transition of divorcing families to their new lives. Currently, over 400 locations around the U.S., Canada, New Zealand, Australia, and South Africa are using our materials. Most of these are court-mandated programs for parents. Many are schools, mental health agencies, or private mental health practitioners.
Our controlled outcome studies (seven so far; six more are in various stages of completion in five states) clearly indicate the effectiveness of the Children in the Middle materials. Both parents and children can and do learn the skills we teach, and they use them over long periods of time. Perhaps most gratifying is that by using the skills, parenting behaviors and family conditions for children significantly improve.
If you believe that your community needs programs for parents and children of divorce, we invite you to contact us for more information.
Jack Arbuthonot, Ph.D., P.O. Box 5900, Athens OH 45701
All things considered
I heard your interview on PBS's "All Things Considered" last week (2/23/95, then uploaded a summary of it to two groups concerned with the adverse effects of feminism on men, on the Delphi computer network.
In response, I received e-mail giving me your address.
Sincerely, Frank, FL
Murderous moms
Lately, it seems, one can't turn on the TV or Radio and avoid hearing a reference to the term "deadbeat dads." For some reason this particular phrase rankles me like no other. We are a nation that loves alliteration, and the media are particularly susceptible to the temptation to replace thoughtful dialog with it.
The fact an entire gender is tarred fades to insignificance before the media's desire to hold viewer attention. Whether one relishes or hates it, the fact is that viewer attention is grabbed and channel surfing postponed until the wearisome wallowing in mostly inaccurate muck has been completed. There is always plenty of mud to smear and blood to spill and history has taught us, when there's blood to spill you can count on it being male blood.
Disregarding, for the moment, the one-sided nature of these stories, let's instead focus on a fitting and equally attention-grabbing rejoinder. Before I make my suggestion, however, it is necessary to remember that there ARE deadbeat dads; not all dads are deadbeats, not even most, but some are. That's all it takes to create the "validity" for the continued use of the phrase. That, and the fact that the phrase is such a proven attention-getter and has such a fine alliterative rhythm. These qualities make broadcasters blind, or more accurately, deaf, to the bigoted stereotyping they like to pretend to oppose.
Recently, Susan Smith admitted drowning her two sons in a much publicized incident in South Carolina. In February, in Alabama, Kim Gonzales admitted killing her 5 year old stepdaughter. Also in February, a Seattle woman was charged with causing the near-death of her own child by injecting him with feces. And who can forget Diane Downs, the Oregon woman who killed one child and tried to kill another?
The common thread here is mothers killing or attempting to kill children. I propose that, whenever the topic is women committing violent acts against defenseless children, we consistently use the phrase, "Murderous Moms." When we hear the phrase, "Deadbeat Dads," we should say something akin to, "Yes, non- payment of support is an issue we are addressing as a nation, but what's really disturbing is the proliferation of Murderous Moms.
Not all moms are murderous, not even most, but some are, and there's the validity. Some men might ask if the discomfort this will cause non-murderous women will justify the continued use of the phrase. Ask yourself how sensitive the media are to causing innocent men discomfort by using "deadbeat dads." The point of the phrase is to grab attention, not disseminate information. Just heard a prominent news reader begin a piece about child support by referring to people behind in support payments as "deadbeats." Like everybody's mind isn't going to fill in the blank after hearing it hundreds of times.
Murderous Moms are there, they haven't all been identified yet. We can't order court records to see who will and who won't be Murderous Moms the way court records can be used to identify deadbeat dads.
Should we protest against them, carry placards, suggest legislation (give custody to deadbeat dads, perhaps) to guard against this menace? Whenever the topic of women killing children is raised, be sure to mention the alarming trend, the Manifest Menace of Murderous Moms.
I hesitate to initiate an idea that will cause discomfort and further alienate women from men. But, that's the entire argument for having The Backlash, isn't it? To prematurely push the pendulum back. The question is, how do we know when the pendulum is approaching dead center and might we push it too far? Are we seeing the beginning of the fall of feminism? Or are we merely observing the Failing of Flaky Fallacies of Fervent Feminism? Hey, like I said, Americans love alliteration. So, for now, let's really give it to those Murderous Moms!
Jack (no-deadbeat) Johnson
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