A component of paternalism is that men assume responsibility to protect women. Feminists have not fought to end this responsibility in negative contexts.
How have feminists and women in general been able to get away with such duplicity? Why have men been so reticent to speak out? I believe self-serving sexism has been an important factor. But I would like to explore three other factors: paternalism, macho, and economics.
| Parents have always raised boys to be strong, responsible, to take charge, and not to cry or complain. |
From the perspective of feminists, paternalism is defined as men assuming control over women, and feminists have fought to end this. However, another component of paternalism is that men assume responsibility to protect women. Feminists have not fought to end this responsibility in negative contexts. Men always seem to be responsible for anything bad. (I have often been corrected for referring to God as He, but never for referring to the Devil as He.) And unfortunately men continue to protect women from blame by accepting this responsibility.
Parents have always raised boys to be strong, responsible, to take charge, and not to cry or complain. Girls have not been taught these qualities to the same degree as boys. As a result women are generally much more likely to complain, to express their discontent. It is not macho for men to do this. Even though men probably have just as much reason to complain, because they don't, we assume everything is fine. Because women do complain, we assume they are oppressed. Women become the squeaky wheels getting the attention. So even though men are victims of violence 2-3 times more often than women, sexual violence (where the most obvious victims are women) gets most of the attention.
I don't think most people know it, but women have a great deal of economic power. They get this power from the fact that 80 cents of every consumer dollar is spent by women. As a consequence of this, advertisers tend to aim their advertising as well as their products at women. Just think of how many products of a general nature are for women specifically: Secret deodorant, Correctal laxative, Virginia Slims cigarettes, women's medical clinics, gynecologists, health and fitness (i.e. appearance) clinics for women, self-help books (Smart Women, Foolish Choices), there is even a breakfast cereal with extra calcium. Consequently advertising media also aim at women. Television, newspapers, magazines seem to be biased toward women: The Cosby Show doesn't portray men very positively, yet is there a more perfect person than Claire Huxtable? To make fun of housewives, the comic section of the newspaper had to put a man in the role -- Adam. Cathy is the only comic strip that consistently pokes fun at women, but most magazines are aimed at women.
Men don't get a fair shake in an environment like this.
Sex is fine. Commitment is fine. Sex and commitment together are fine. But not if there is a quid pro quo between them in the guise of love. To lessen this effect, women need to de-emphasize their sexual appearance. They also need to take more sexual responsibility -- handle half of the initiation, and be clearer in their communication. In short, women must give up their sexual power, just as they have demanded men give up forms of power which have been uniquely male.
We need to socially legitimize as well as legalize prostitution. This will help reduce the sexual motivation in relationships that leads to the de facto prostitution that now exists. This will also reduce women's sexual power by reducing demand.
Men also need to change. (I haven't said too much about men because feminism has already said it, although out of context.) Men need to encourage women who give up their sexual power and avoid those who don't. Men also must stop thinking of sex as a competition, where scoring is the goal. And of course, men should continue to give up their uniquely male power, and should never use their physical power.
Men's and women's behaviors are very interdependent. Men will be much more willing to make some of the changes that feminism has demanded if they see that women are making corresponding changes.
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