A Fathers Day Note from a son
Yet we come to find our easy ignorance isn't so blissful when we see the return on our casual investment: ranging from junior's poor school grades to drug usage and teenage pregnancy. And by this time its almost too late.
Fatherhood is like air or water, we tend to take it for granted until it's threatened to be removed. With divorce rates up to 60% in places, dads stand an excellent chance of losing that which we eventually realize what matters most in our life: our family. With almost the snap of the fingers we are transformed from a parent into a "visitor" with "visitation rights"--seeing our kids twice a month if we're lucky--and watching some other man become the day-to-day dad to our kids. "Visitation," a term borrowed from the prison inmate system and hospitals.
As bachelors, we learn quickly that the sexiest cologne we could ever wear is money. So most of us fired up our testosterone ovens and plunged into our careers to get some. A nice car and a good job more than makes up for not looking like a movie star. Ask Lyle Lovette.
However, career warrioring can make for lousy husbanding and fathering. To make it in the working world often requires battle-tough attitudes which don't carry over very well into the home. Often the last thing we want, or are able to do is be mushy romantic and pal-pop after a tough day at work. Now we find that being the major bread winner isn't enough. Something has to give and not seeing any clear solutions we try to maintain the status quo and hope the family strife will just go away.
We don't have to wait until our family is on the brink of destruction to make some changes. I suggest that fathers take the initiate to define for ourselves what fatherhood means. Not by our wives or not by a divorce judge.
A final note. I want to dedicate this to my father Harry, who died too soon to ever see his grandchildren. As a spot welder on the assembly line at the Chrysler Mack Plant in Detroit he sacrificed his health to care for and feed his family. I think of you often Dad, when I hold my son, who bears your name...
With love your son, Lenny