DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are those of the persons who send in the news items. They do not necessarily reflect those of the National Center For Men, its officers, members, Jim Whinston or Mel Feit.CNBC NATIONAL CABLE TV, 8/19/96, "AMERICA AFTER HOURS." NCM executive director Mel Feit did this show on sexual harassment, and it was dynamite. Mike Jerrick was the host. Mel toyed with the group -- all were women but he -- and the concept of sexual harassment as it is now defined by declaring that he, as the lone men's advocate present, must by definition be in a "hostile environment!" And thus he was being "sexually harassed!" Seriously, we need clear-cut definitions of sexual harassment. Shouldn't people be notified that their behavior is unwanted or annoying before allowing someone to make it legally actionable. And we also need to define it to include the ways that men are sexually harassed. With this equal sensitivity, we will find that sexual harassment will dramatically decrease, across the board. THESE CABLE SHOWS REPEAT OVER AND OVER. This is one to catch. (Also look for reruns of NCM attorney on NEWSTALK TV on deadbeat dads being jailed.)
We interrupt this report to bring you this message -- email.
SEN. JOSEPH BIDEN, DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION, 8/27/96, said: "A man should never lay a hand on a woman. Never." Of course we completely agree, but to reduce resentment and divisiveness between men and women (which otherwise just makes domestic violence worse), should we not be gender-neutral?: "A person should never lay a hand on another person, especially one who is smaller and weaker." (Except if in imminent danger or self defense). That message would also PREVENT DV the most, also. JOSEPH BIDEN, D-Delaware, 202-224-5042, fax 202-224-0139, US Senate, Washington, DC 20510.
KAISER PERMANENTE HMO, IS SCREENING WOMEN PATIENTS FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Should they not (the nation's largest HMO) be screening ALL patients for DV? Shouldn't doctors, of all people, be gender-neutral and NOT TAKE SIDES in a gender war? Shouldn't the research be accurate, objective and scientific in the first place? The Oregon Health Sciences Center, also in Portland, announced at the same time that they will indeed screen ALL patients for DV, which we wholeheartedly endorse. Perhaps it was only the Oregonian reporter who reported the story with a bias. We are double-checking. In the meantime, here are the contacts, to nip this in the bud. (Please be very polite at this stage.) KAISER PERMANENTE, Public Affairs / Communication 503-813-4820, then Administrative Offices 503-813-2800, write Oregon Director at 500 NE Multnomah, Portland, OR 97232.
20/20 ON ABC, 8/23/96, "A Heart To Heart Talk," by Dr. Timothy Johnson. Brilliant segment on men and heart disease. Persistent depression often sets in AFTER suffering from a heart attack. A man is 4 to 5 times more likely to die in the next 4 to 5 months if he is depressed. And "to feel good you have to open up your heart and communicate." In other words, the gender war is completely opposite of the emotionally safe environment needed for a person to express one's feelings. Again, men and women simply need to work together, and not as opposites, blaming each other. Unqualified thanks could be in order here. PART TWO: Same date, John Stossel revisited an earlier story, "Desperate For A Father." Experts gave a litany of reasons why fathers are needed in children's lives. To do "guy things," to learn to regulate emotions after dad gets the kids into a heightened emotional state, to encourage educational achievement. They said kids need fathers' time, not their money. Kids without fathers turn to crime, gangs and (the girls) teen-pregnancy. The down side of the segment was clear, though. The 7 year old boy, Josh, was begging for his father to come into his life -- but there was no mention about non-custodials (often fathers) sometimes being displaced by a callous family court system. Or non-custodials being afraid to get close to their kids when society does not then GUARANTEE access. And no sympathy that the father was clearly not ready to be a father or that he did not want to be a father in the first place (recipe for disaster). Qualified thanks, here, but very helpful. "20-20": 212-456-2020, main comment line 212-456-7477 (menu #0 for person, #4 for messages), fax 212-456-2969, 147 Columbus Av., NY, NY 10023.
NBC NEW SHOW THIS FALL: "MEN BEHAVING BADLY." Hilarious promos of real jerks doing the worst of "guy stuff." (He uses underwear to filter the coffee, then doesn't tell girlfriend of his laziness! He dries his undies on top of his roommates pastry, in the micro-wave! The girlfriend opens a beer in her boyfriends ear as only way to get his attention during a sporting event! Etc.) Plastered throughout the Olympics (see just below for additional twist). Okay, okay, we have a sense of humor, really we do (I did laugh at each promo, honest I did, and laugh as I recount this), but where is the balance? Where is the complementary show, :"WOMEN BEHAVING BADLY?" As we say, either both, or neither. No double standards, ever. Please let us know if we are over-reacting. Thanks. But a little cordial reminder to the network could do. NBC NETWORK: 212-664-4444, fax 212-664- 7073, 30 Rockefeller Plaza, NY, NY 10112.
PBS NEWS HOUR, 7/26/96. During the Olympic coverage they frankly discussed how NBC was using story telling and human stories of athletes, along with showing more events that had a strong appeal to women, to specifically court the women viewers. There is nothing wrong with this (as long as there is some semblance of balance). But we are glad about the HONESTY -- that women viewers outnumber men, and that women viewers are indeed courted by the advertisers since women do the bulk of the household consumer purchasing. PBS could be asked to do more segments on the subject of advertisers targeting the women audience. It would help both genders to understand why marketing and advertising is the way it is, and reduce gender resentment. (See following story). PBS NEWS HOUR WITH JIM LEHRER: 703-998-2810 or 2844, fax 703-845-1458, viewer line 212-560-3113, 3620 South 27 Street, Arlington VA 22206. Also, the Corporation For Public Broadcasting: 202-879-9600, fax 202-783-1019, 901 E St. NW, Wash DC 20004-2037.
US NEWS & WORLD REPORT, 8/26/96, JOHN LEO Column, page 15. (See story above). The first lines: "You have to admire how the smoothly the newly feminized Olympics led into the newly feminized Republican Convention. In both cases, the organizers fretted about the presumed lack of appeal to women and turned to story-telling to close the gender gap." We might ask Leo to do more stories on this fascinating aspect of gender relations, to improve understanding and harmony. US NEWS & WORLD REPORT: 202-955-2000, 2400 N Street, Wash, DC 20037-1196.
"SIXTY MINUTES," 8/11/96, segment on the "INDEPENDENT WOMEN'S FORUM" out of Washington, DC. They feel that (victim) feminists are anti-male and anti-family. They feel that the Violence Against Women Act was largely "feminist pork," (except for the safe houses, hotlines, etc.) since most domestic violence occurs in the living room or kitchen and that LOCAL police are the only people who can make a difference. They feel that the National Organization For Women has a "negative approach" to life and issues, and that this is hurtful to gender healing / relations. "People now have choices," and we need to recognize that "choices give us a trade off." Please encourage them to cover more of these alternate pro-equality feminist groups. We will all gain. 60 MINUTES: 212-975- 2006, fax 212-975-1893, CBS News: 524 West 57th Street, NY, NY, 10019.
OREGONIAN, SUNDAY, EDITORIAL, 8/25/96. WE MADE HISTORY!! FIRST MAJOR NEWSPAPER TO EDITORIALIZE FOR THE NEED TO ASSURE VISITATION! Title: "Say Yes For Kids." Sub-title: Family Law Task Force wants to halt sabotage of parent's child-visitation rights." Here are the highlights. "Horror stories come from all sides of the child support world. Cases in which the system will be guard-dog fierce in enforcing support payments but puppy-dog uncooperative in enforcing visitation orders are among the most persistent and sad ones." Parents "are often so angry that they use their children as weapons to batter one another, typically by denying access." "Sometimes, in the most severe cases, a parent takes the children and runs." "More typically, newspapers hear anguished stories from non-custodial parents, usually fathers, separated from children for years because the state offers little or no help in fighting the denial of visitation rights and the parent can't afford thousands of dollars for lawyers to do the job." "The Oregon Task Force on Family Law agrees that equal justice suffers when support orders are enforced but visitation orders are mocked." They voted "to ask the Legislature to change Oregon law to:" 1) "Emphasize the non-custodial parent's ENTITLEMENT to reasonable access unless a court finds that visits would endanger the child." 2) "Require courts to define visitation or parenting plans in detail if either party requests, and to include language requiring compliance." 3) "Require both parents to give reasonable notice of plans to move." 4) Declare that repeatedly interfering with visitation rights may be grounds to change a child-custody order." "And possibly the most important. 5) Add to the system a long list of ways parents can enforce visitation orders and parenting plans without hiring lawyers to file motions." " 'We will have access-enforcement orders that are low-impact and quick, and then escalate to monetary penalties with violators paying the other side's fees,' " Chairman William J. Howe III said. "Violators could be forced to post bond or security, add visiting time to make up for lost access, perform unpaid community service, face loss of spousal support or reduction of child support. Or even lose custody." "The goal is not to fine parents or to stick them in jail for contempt of court. The goal is to get them to cooperate for the children's benefit. They thrive best when both father and mother offer constructive parenting." "The task force recommendations ought to be atop the Legislature's urgent-priority list next January (original emphasis)." Honest, that's what the editorial said. Sure, it would be better to presume joint custody and reward cooperation from the start, but this editorial is a major step. And a clear, unmistakable sign that our approach of bringing men and women together for the sake of the children, trying to end the gender war, and working within the system to improve the system, in a dignified, respectful and professional manner, is clearly the route to go. Congratulations to all of you for helping out. One step and one brick at a time, we are constructively changing the world. For the kids. Editorial columnist Robert Landauer wrote the editorial (see both of his other articles, just below!). If ever there was a time to let him/them know they did the right thing ... Here are the contacts. Robert Landauer, 503-221-8157. THE OREGONIAN: 503-221-8327 main, 503-221- 8138 editor, 503-221-8221 complaints & suggestions, 1-800-826-0376, fax (editorial/letters) 503-294-4193, email editors, 1320 SW Broadway, Portland, OR 97201-3499.
OREGONIAN, 8/25/96, op-ed by Robert Landauer (see just above), page D3. "They Help Families Parent Through Divorce." It is on the importance of mediation services for divorcing couples. Here are some choice quotes. "In most places, one rule governs post-divorce relationships: Pay the cash or pay the consequences. Oregon's child-support system is preoccupied with that." "Yet children need more than a mother or father at home supplying services and another parent whose only involvement is to send a monthly check." "Children thrive best with parenting from both of them (mothers and fathers); that failure to provide it is cruel and harmful abandonment; and that sabotaging an ex-spouse's relationship with the children is deeply wrong." "It is also dumb. US Census Bureau figures show that where both parents stay involved with their children, support payments continue, usually through good times and bad. Where visits are restricted or stopped, emotional distance grows, and then economic commitment dwindles." Another brilliant article. (He ends this fine article on the benefits of stressing cooperation for the sake of the children, during the course of mediation, with the following: "Why do we wait until marriages fail to give such fine parenting instruction?") Contact numbers above.
OREGONIAN, 7/31/96, "SOME 'DEAD-BEAT DADS' MAY JUST BE BEATEN DOWN." Article is just what it seems. Another op-ed by Robert Landauer, a break-through. He profiles the huge problems and injustices that many non-custodial parents face. It included: employers pocketing the child support withholdings and then making the non-custodial repay the money; and abusive treatment by the state and district attorney after mismanagement ("Altogether, 10 months of aggravation for misaligned payments, withholdings, tax liens, tax refunds.") Then he writes: "None of these cases touches on the sensitive issues of thousands of fathers being denied regular visits with their children even when agreed to by the parents or ordered by the courts. A system that uses public money to collect child support but makes fathers hire their own lawyers to get visiting rights enforced has lost sight of humanity in its search for efficiency." Finally, regarding the state's crack ability to be the "best collection agent:" "The mob has great collection enforcers, too, but we don't sing its praises either." Stunning, honest. We have a true hero in our midst, here, with a strong thread of humanity for both men and women. And our children. We can indeed solve problems without pitting men versus women. Addresses just above.
USA TODAY, 8/22/96, "TEENS DO BETTER WHEN DADS ARE MORE INVOLVED." Short, good article. Lead paragraph: "Fathers are nearly as involved with their teen-agers as mothers are, an 11-year study shows. And dads' attention pays off in less delinquent behavior and more education by the time children reach their 20s." Also: "A close emotional bond leads to lower delinquency, mostly affecting boys. Dads have more influence here than moms." "Marital conflict prompts fathers to back off emotionally from their children." (Wouldn't it be great to teach more effective skills to fathers, to reduce this?). "Continuing poverty also pushes Dad away from youngsters. 'These men are stressed. They may be working two or three jobs, so they're just not available.' " (Would this not also affect Mom, too?). Some thanks for a short but fine article could encourage more discussion. USA TODAY: 800-872-3410 main, ext. 3629 is letters to editor and op-ed page, ext. 5395 is editorial page, 1000 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA 22229.
WALL STREET JOURNAL, 8/21/96, "WORK & FAMILY" Section. "More Firms Compete To Be Designated As 'Family Friendly.' " "In a clear sign that work and family is no longer only a 'women's issue' (A-men!), a second national magazine, BUSINESS WEEK, will join Working Mother in rating employers (as to how family friendly they are). We've always said the best way to support something is to patronize that person or outfit. So check out September's Business Week.
WALL STREET JOURNAL, 8/21/96, "CRIME, THE CONSTITUTION AND THE 'WEAKER' SEX." Brilliant journalist Cathy Young, VP of the Women's Freedom Network in Wash. DC, discusses the Violence Against Women Act (shouldn't it be Violence Against SPOUSES Act?). "The Act is in for a lengthy legal battle." We have said all along that it should have been completely gender- neutral, and devoid of gender war ideology, and now "the demons are coming home to knock", it appears. Young writes: The bill "includes many non- controversial items such as a national domestic violence hotline and funds for better lighting in parking lots. But it also has a controversial civil rights provision allowing victims of 'gender-motivated violence' to sue their attackers in federal court. This was struck down last month ... " And: "men who assaulted their wives or girlfriends were treated no more leniently than those who attacked anyone else. Numerous other studies confirm this pattern." "Civil litigation makes little sense since most of the perpetrators have no assets to go after" (still is that a reason to not have the provision?). And controversially, she states: "The law is a 'litigation weapon for upper middle class and wealthy women in divorce cases' -- a way to bring a divorce case before a jury instead of simply a judge and put pressure on the husband to offer a more favorable settlement." Cathy Young has raised many issues to consider, and we are not necessarily agreeing or taking sides on all of them. The newspaper could be encouraged to provide continuing, balanced, gender-neutral discussion. WALL STREET JOURNAL: 212-416-2000, fax editorial/news 212-416-2658, fax editorial page 212-416- 2891, write 200 Liberty Street, NY, NY 10281.
US NEWS & WORLD REPORT, 8/16/96, RE SEXUAL HARASSMENT. "Life After The Lawsuit - - They took their employers to court. They won. But it's not over." This is a good article from the view of a woman and victim (and for guys to try to understand a woman's viewpoint). Please encourage them to do an article on the difficulties that men have in performing the initiation-of-romance role and not "getting in trouble," as well as the (different) ways that men are sexually harassed. Communication and discussion from the "we-are-all-in-this-together" perspective is what we want to encourage. US NEWS & WORLD REPORT: 202-955-2000, 2400 N Street, Wash, DC 20037-1196.
WALL STREET JOURNAL, 8/8/96, "UNCLE SAM IS A POOR STEPFATHER." Op-ed condemnation of how the welfare system makes young women dependent. "But marrying Uncle Sam (rather than this writer's son, who works two jobs to try to be financially solvent) for financial survival carries a stiff and perverse price." "We have a system of entitlements that imprisons people without reasonable hope of escape, and makes low-income fathers expendable." "But more than that, I fear the spiritual and moral poverty" (that this grand child faces). "I fear the effects of a childhood without the guidance, support and strength of a father's consistent presence." Lastly: "It's up to you, Uncle Sam. Now is the time to break the generational chain of young women wedded to welfare. A real father has concern for his child's moral as well as financial welfare. You may be a rich uncle, Uncle Sam, but you will never replace a real father." More encouragement for this type of caring, balanced discussion is again valuable. Addresses just above.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR, 8/16/96, EXPOSE OF SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT DIVISION, by Bruce Walker, former head of SED in Oklahoma and former DA who prosecuted "deadbeat" parents (dads). (We have not seen the article, and we have all of this is second hand. Can anyone get me the article? Thanks.) We are told (thanks, R.) that he writes that the "deadbeat dads" issue is nonsense, the SED efforts verge on a financial conspiracy against the non- custodial parent, the SED doesn't care about the kids, it is just a money machine, and its bookkeeping is terrible. (Again, we have not directly seen the article.) We have felt all along that kids need two parents and a system that rewards cooperation -- then the money flows after (guaranteed) access. (We need contact numbers for the CSM. Thanks).
"DIVORCE MAGAZINE" DEBUTS IN AUGUST. Starting with individual city versions in certain cities, and then it will go nationwide. We have no idea as to it's quality or relevance. Can anyone get me a copy, or provide a balanced review? Thanks.
TV GUIDE, July 13-19, cover story on "WHAT HAPPENED TO FAMILY TV? -- Sex, violence and lewd jokes have invaded early evening viewing. find out why shows like "Leave It To Beaver" seem like ancient history." Pages 12-21. Excellent. Very disappointing portrait. But it lists some "safe havens:" ABC's "Second Noah" on Saturdays; WB's "Sister, Sister" on Wednesdays; CBS's "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" on Saturdays; ABC's "Family Matters" on Fridays; and Nickelodeon's "Secret World Of Alex Mack" on Saturdays. Please let us know your feedback. Thanks to TVG are due. TV GUIDE: PO Box 500, Radnor PA 19088-0500. Phone/fax needed.
Are you being forced into fatherhood? The NCM Reproductive Rights Project, may be able to help you.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR PRINTED IN OREGONIAN, 8/23/96, written by Oregon Chapter President, Jeff Fossum. "WOMEN CAN BE JUST AS BAD AS MEN." Short but great, and it led off the letters section. "In society's movement for gender equality, the fact that women are just as good as men has been greatly stressed. But the flip side has been virtually ignored. It is equally true that women are just as bad as men." Congratulations, Jeff.
Oregon Chapter Picnic is Saturday, Sept. 7. Give us a call on info line, 503-727- 3686, for details. Potluck, RSVP.
GARAGE SALE SEPT. 28/29! Oregon chapter fund-raiser! We need your DONATED ITEMS! Call Bob 289-4830. Please help!
MEN'S LEGISLATIVE SEMINAR is Sat. 10/26, 9-4 p.m.. Ideas needed for Oregon legislation in the upcoming session, 1/97. Contact 1215 Alder Dr. NE, Keizer, OR 97303 for form.
OREGON CHAPTER, NCM, MEETS EVERY MONDAY 7-9 PM. Support and activism. At Lloyd Center (NE 11th and Halsey, Portland), 3rd Floor, Room 2032 (to the right of Meier and Frank, Gentle Dental). Get it off of your chest; find camaraderie; change the world. Oregon Chapter's quarterly, "THE EQUALIST REVIEW," is available for $20 per year (PO Box 6481, Portland, OR 97228).
OUR MEN'S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE IS UP. 285-9188 in Portland. (Call 911 or Metro Crisis, 503-223-6161, if it's an emergency, a "crisis," or possibility of suicide or violence.)
KPSU RADIO 1450 AM, EACH THURSDAY, 6-7 p.m. live (father's and family issues, more, fun). Please call in from anywhere! (503-725-5945), especially at 6:20 p.m., Pacific time (I subtlely review for long distance calls). On 8/29 is attorney Darcia Krause on representing men in family court and making the divorce process less adversarial; on 9/5 is Alan Winter, publisher of Mentor Magazine, on men's journey of self-discovery, and ex-gang member DK on SED's discrimination against him because of his past, even though he is a model citizen now; on 9/12 is state senator Randy Leonard on the Regulatory Oversight Task Force (oversees CSD), and "TWELVE GAUGE," Portland's best country & western band; on 9/19 is Kevin Schaumleffle, Oregonians For Custodial Equality, on the presumption of joint custody initiative, and the PAUL ANTHONY BAND; on 9/26 we will head back to the campaign trail with MAJOR CANDIDATES for the November 5 election; on 10/3 is Paul "Stormy" Mohn, candidate for US Senate and Bruce A. Knight, candidate for the 3rd US Congressional District from Oregon; on 10/10 is another major candidate; on 10/17 is GORDON SMITH, candidate for the US Senate, and BILL WITT, candidate for the 1st Congressional District; on 10/24 is Scott Bruun, candidate for the 3rd Congressional district; on 10/31 is Tonie Nathan, candidate for the 5th Congressional District from Oregon; on 11/7 is former state senator and law professor Walter Brown with a comprehensive wrap-up of the election; on 11/14 is Ed Snook, publisher of the Oregon Observer, on demanding that the government and bureaucracies be accountable; on 11/21 is Chris Rapp, editor of the new magazine, "Fathers and Families," published in California; on 11/28, Thanksgiving, is Sandy Sykes and others from "Families for Children Of Oregon. What a line-up! Please tune in.
WISH LIST: 386 computer for national headquarters; paper for printing, especially colored paper; also reliable economical photocopier.
PLEASE SEND TO JIM ACTIVISM OPPORTUNITIES and brief information, from all over the country, and Jim will put it up in this report! Please include details on phone, fax, Internet and address. Thank-you!
THE NCM NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT, contributions of time, energy, money, and membership. We CANNOT do this without your support. Our children are going AWOL without two parents. Our marriages are failing because all issues have been framed as men versus women for 30 years, which is extremely divisive. A gender war hurts our children, and provides devastating role models. We must vigorously educate to protect our children and our children's right to two parents and a system that rewards cooperation, and our children's right to healthy role models. Everyone is getting hurt. PLEASE JOIN. Membership in the NCM is $60, $40, and $30 low income. Suggested donation for reading this report is $1 per report, $24 per year.Reprinted with permission from the Activism Report of the National Center for Men