A Man's Body, A Man's Choice?
By Raj Kumar Singh
Women have legal control over their reproductive choices, shouldn't men have the same rights over their reproductive choices, too?
Vasectomy: The Ultimate In Birth Control
1995 Federal Way, WA - As a thirty-nine year old adult, I can remember the days when, in order for a man to qualify for a vasectomy he needed to be married, have his wife's permission, have at least 3 children and be over 35 years of age. But those days are gone. In a time when abortion-on-demand is the norm in every metropolitan area of the U.S., so is vasectomy-on-demand available to all men over the age of 18. The only hurdle put in one's path by most doctors performing the procedure is the requirement to have a one-on-one discussion with the doctor prior to the patient making his final decision. Typically, that session involves the doctor explaining the procedure and answering any questions the man may have. Then the patient has a period of several days in which to make a final decision.
Why get a vasectomy? Because with one, unplanned pregnancies are as close to impossible as they'll ever be. Some would say that in this time of AIDS awareness and condom use, vasectomy shouldn't be necessary for unmarried men. But humans will have sex and condoms will break (about 10 percent of the time).
Another fact of life is that some women, just like some men, simply don't like to use condoms. And let's acknowledge the fact that it's not rare anymore for a single woman to want children without marriage. Since couples rarely plan episodes of intercourse, it remains to the heat of the moment to account for condom use, or to object to it, and that's a poor time to put a man's or a woman's resolve to the test.
Contraceptives for Men?
No oral contraceptive is commonly available for men. For the man who wants to effectively prevent his procreation, vasectomy offers a way to do so on a rational, thoughtful basis prior to the act.
So what are the issues? Disclosure, for one. Must the man tell a prospective sexual partner and/or prospective marital partner that he's had the procedure done? What are the ethical, moral and legal ramifications of withholding such information? The question has practical relevance since many men believe that (1) a woman won't date a man that she wouldn't marry and (2) a woman won't marry a man who she knows to be incapable of offering the option of children.
Is it okay for a man to keep his decision to remain childless his own private affair in order to not risk giving up sex and companionship? Can he properly not mention the fact that he is physically committed to not siring children, or to even lie upon being asked questions about such a personal matter? After opting for vasectomy, some men are asking, "What business is it of a prospective sexual partner's anyway?" Is it sex she wants to have, or a child?" And, similarly, "Just why does my fiancee want to marry me? Because of the unique qualities that make up my human persona -- or for my services as stud and family workhorse?" It's with this sort of harsh cynicism that single men are, more and more often, getting vasectomies and keeping the fact to themselves.
A Man's Body, A Woman's Choice?
Another phenomenon relates to a man with whom I used to work. He decided that, for him, one child was enough -- so he went on a weekend "business trip," the business at hand being to get a Friday afternoon vasectomy followed by a weekend of quiet-time in a hotel. His wife felt strongly about leaving their options open, but he believed that he was justified in taking control of his own parental destiny, and doing so privately to "keep the peace." (After discussing it with the physician, he concluded that she would never have to find out that he had had the operation.) Many would say that he violated moral and/or legal principles inherent in the marital contract by acting without his wife's approval or even informing her.
We should note here that no one with any sense expects a woman to make a permanent, binding commitment to have or not to have children. Because of this, whether having casual sex with a girlfriend or marrying his fiancee, a man without a vasectomy typically puts his parenthood in the woman's care to do with as she wishes.
The rallying cry for many women today is "A woman's body, a woman's choice." Advance commitments by the woman regarding child bearing get no legal respect, and some would say shouldn't even be sought by those who respect a woman's natural autonomy. What are the ways in which men can adapt these values to their lives while maintaining a sense of integrity in their romantic and marital relationships?
Note: Raj Kumar Singh is now an attorney practicing in Wisconsin.
