The Backlash! - August 1996

Email to the Editor

Seven myths

Warren Farrell: How are you doing? We haven't spoken for a while.

I am going into high gear now to complete The Seven Greatest Myths About Men by the end of '96 so it can get out by the end of '97, but I keep getting a lot of questions about whether I will be doing any weekend long workshops, and when the mass market paperback of The Myth of Male Power will be published so it can be distributed to family and others without it costing too much.

Would you be good enough to mention in The Backlash! it will be in late September, by Berkley (New York), for $6.95, and to let your readers know that if anyone buys 5 or more copies and wishes them signed to various family members as Christmas/Hanukkah presents that they can just send them to me prior to December 1 along with a self-addressed stamped return envelope and I will return them in time for Christmas/Hanukkah? You may give out this as my address: 103 N. Hwy 101, Box 220, Encinitas, CA 92024.

As for the workshop, please just mention that the one I would most recommend that draws people from all over the world is at Esalen, in Big Sur, overlooking the cliffs on the Pacific Coast with hot tubs, etc., on January 24-26, 1997. I will send more info if asked via the above address. Thanks, Rod, and also, I would love it if you would like to come to Esalen yourself -- how about doing a piece on the experience and then it also becomes a tax deduction?!

Editor: Several who have attended Warren's workshop recommend it highly.

DADS web site

Victor Smith: Our DADS site is up and growing.

DADS web site

Cathy Y.: Another interesting episode from the annals of male-bashing: In June, Ruth Pierce, Deputy Commissioner of the Social Security Administration and the SSA's top Equal Employment Opportunity official, punctuated her remarks at the SSA's National Diversity Conference (yes, diversity) with an anti-male joke. The joke goes like this:
A fisherman captures a mermaid who offers him a wish if he releases her. He wants to have his I.Q. increased fivefold. The mermaid warns that there might be serious consequences, but the fisherman insists. So the mermaid flips her tail ... and he is transformed into a woman.
(By the way, I had previously seen this joke posted on the Women's Studies List. However, even there, one woman took exception to the joke, pointing out that no one would find it very funny if the punchline was that men had five times the intelligence of women.)

A group of male SSA employees have objected to this "humor" and demanded that Pierce apologize and receive a public reprimand from her superior. So far, the only response has been a memo from Pierce to one of the men, acknowledging that her remarks were "inappropriate."

A new twist was added to this on the July 27, 1996, episode of CNN's Capital Gang show, as some may know, always concludes with each of the four panelists describing an "outrage of the week."

TIME columnist Margaret Carlson (who is always vigilant toward any hint of sexism or sexual harassment toward women) mentioned the story of the "mermaid" joke. But the outrage, in her opinion, was not that a high-level Federal official told such a joke at a DIVERSITY conference, but that the men complained. Carlson pointed out that "70 percent of SSA executives are men" and went on to say, "Women have been listening to dumb-blonde jokes for years. [When was the last time a federal official told a sexist joke about women at an official event and got away with it?] Get a life, guys!"

I think it would be a good idea if Margaret Carlson got a fair amount of mail pointing out that the outrage of the week is her blatant double standard when it comes to sexism against men, as opposed to sexism against women.

Book review: The Backlash!

Pete R.: Well, well, well, A light bulb has just flashed on over my head. (The fact that quite a lot goes over my head is another matter). What a great piece of writing, this review! I echo the sentiments expressed and feel that, on some level, I have been aware of this for some time, but this review gave voice to my latent feelings. I feel refreshed, somehow. Thank you.

SAFAR

Mike G.: I read his stuff on your Web site, which I liked so much I linked it from mine. I'd write to James, but he seems to have a very defeated attitude about this sort of thing; he'd probably tell me to invest in a harmonica and a tube of K-Y, which is the last thing I need to hear, but I might write him just to say "Hi" and to be supportive.

I've got a Web idea of my own. There's this idiot woman I read in Usenet who keeps a list of men who have been acquitted of rape, presumably to expose them to extralegal punishment. The problem with rape charges is one of distribution of risk- the accused faces great risk and the accuser practically none, even if found to be fraudulent.

I propose starting a list of persons who have filed rape charges that have resulted in anything other than a guilty verdict, indexed by name, date, state, and complaint or docket number only. An interested party such as a defense attorney could search this list to see if an accuser has a record of unsupported accusations elsewhere. A Web site would be started to allow people to register their false accusers.

Woman murder suspect freed

Paul R.: I thought you fellows might find the following news item of interest. In "Newsbeat" (Rocky Mountain News, July 30, 1996) Ann Carnahan reported that, contrary to state law, Denver magistrate Nancy Hutchinson freed a woman arrested for investigation of first-degree murder on a $25,000 bond. Such suspects are always held without bond.

Reason: Jacqueline St. Joan, the county court judge who signed the arrest warrant, recommended it.

Bobbie Lee James, 41, was arrested Friday in the shooting death of her boyfriend, Edward Johnson Jr. She said he was shot while the two were arguing.
Judge St. Joan is known for complaining about male privilege in the court system, and she presided over a special court to handle restraining orders in domestic violence cases from 1992 to 1994.

James has been arrested 13 times in Denver on charges ranging from aggravated assault and burglary, to menacing and flourishing a weapon.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

George: I need help! Can use all and any information, references, articles, books, important NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS (if possible), and all relevant information available per "Parental Alienation Syndrome!" ASAP please!

Thanks!

Men’s Advocate

Gene Hopp: Well, the time has come to close up the MEN'S Advocate. Subscriptions have dropped off, I need to get on to other things, and other publications have also been expanded to fill the previous void. Thanks to Dan Quayle, America has probably finally noticed... even though it still doesn't know what to do about it. (Keep breeding like back yard rabbits, ladies. We'll carp at men to be better fathers.)

Keep up the drumbeat, my friends. I'll keep campaigning in other ways too.

Editor: We'll miss The Men's Advocate. Gene has been a consistent voice of reason for many years.

Women's Bureau Summit

Don L.: The following is from a pamphlet put out by the Women's Bureau of the US Department of Labor announcing the First Northwest Regional Working Women's Summit on Thursday, Sept 12, 1996 at 8:30 am at Conference Hall (Center for Urban Horticulture) at U Dub.
"In September, the Women's Bureau of the U.S. Department of Labor begins a month-long series of regional conferences across the nation to help women 'shine a light' on issues of importance in the workplace.

"States selected include: New York, Pennsylvania, California, Washington, Missouri, New Mexico, Michigan, Colorado, Florida and Washington(sic). Our State/Regional focus is CHILDCARE, a crucial factor in women's successful participation in the workforce. Join representatives from all sectors of our community as we:

Summit (at the University of Washington) runs from 8:30 am to 3:30 pm, Sept 12th. If anyone is interested in going (its free), call 206/553-1534 for a copy of the registration form, which needs to be sent in by 8/30.

Victimized by victims?

Heather A.: Being the victims of victims... What exactly does that make you guys?
Editor: Reasonable people know what bigots pretend cannot be -- that some victims are men, some are women, and some victimizers are men, and some are also women.
I've read in a couple of places within the Backlash "boys are admonished not to hit girls because it is not okay to be angry at women..." I was raised to believe that it is incorrect to hit anyone in anger, girl, boy, child, husband, or wife...It is not "okay" to control anyone with fear. Physical violence continues to wreck households today and will until we as a group make a conscious decision to raise our children without the presence of violence.

Please be a little more responsible in the ideas that you present.

As a woman I found the backlash to be an interesting source of viewpoints seldom brought to the surface in today's political mainstream. I sympathize with your situation but I just want you to know that you can't fight hate with hate. It does not follow the law of similiars (homeopathic medicine). By saying ugly things and posing as the victims you are no better than your enemy.

Instead you are just a reflection of her. Rise above the hate... Create your own reality. No one can control your fate unless you choose to be controlled.

Well time to jump down from the soapbox. Yours truly, Miss Heather Andersen

Editor: An example, I think, of a woman who "just doesn't get it." Almost certainly, there were Jews in Germany who, in the twilight of the Weimar Republic, shushed Hitler's opponents with similar words. People who "turn the other cheek" or otherwise ignore bullies only encourage them to commit greater crimes. In this way, well-intentioned individuals like Miss Heather Andersen make themselves accessories to the crimes of the thugs they protect.

My thanks to Olivier for providing the Femi Nazi gif.

I don't do numbers

Curt This is a fantastic story about fairness and rationality in another state's law. In New York, and most other states I know of, such rationality does not exist. It does also point to the real reason child support exists - retribution and to support mommy. It also speaks volumes about the greed involved.

Consider that men's real incomes have fallen by more than 23 percent since 1973 while women's have climbed (though that's NOT the whole story) during the same period. Consider also that among the under 40 age group women earn more than 90 percent of what their male counterparts earn - quite a different statistic than the 63 percent you hear pushed most of the time. You get the picture - it is easy to see just who's ox is really being gored.

Deception is the name of the game here, folks...always has been, always will be. But it does get votes. And women whose ears are well tuned to the messages of those who speak of an oppressive male society soak this nonsense up - and they vote...in big numbers. And so do their mothers and grandmothers, aunts and sisters. Ignorance is the biggest single problem in our society today and you all are being hurt by it!

I gave testimony at hearings in New York in 1988 when they were considering their proposed standards bill. When I insisted that the levels of support derived by the formula were far too high for those with incomes between $12,000 and $60,000, the primary sponsor of the bill said "I don't do numbers." Shows the primary motivation for such laws...legislators stick their fingers up to see which way the wind is blowing - some don't even feel sufficiently compelled to determine the full implications for their actions.

Looking to learn more

Jason: I'm in total agreement with your article!.

As limited as my resources are, I would like to (need to ) be more informed on the subject. I'm in the "Process of finding out how little I'm thought of". I believe I'm fighting for my "God Given" right. If it's legal, then please inform me about inclusion.

Much to talk about. Much that needs to be done about it. Any response is greatly needed.

Cycles of intellectual snobbery?

Brett P.: Your quotation of Marx (in "Cycles of bigotry") is taken completely out of context. In fact, to claim some intellectual credibility by quoting Marx you undo your entire theory. Dissapointing (sic), really.

Marx did not develop a cyclical theory of history; on the contrary, he was quite clear that history is teleologically bound -- specifically, in stages. What he meant by "first as tragedy, second as farce" applies to the development of class consciousness; not some meandering, simplistic cyclical theory. It would really do you some credit to actually READ Marx before quoting him out of context. IF you did, you would understand why it is so comical for you to include him in an article on a cultural phenomenon like bigotry.

Furthermore, you might find reading Foucault to be more helpful to your misguided project.

Editor: I read Das Kapital...guess it must have been 9 years ago. Banal, but he did raise a few good points. The prominence of his work owes much, I think, to time and place. Michel Foucault wouldn't know an original thought if it farted in his face.

Of course I took the quote out of context. That should be obvious to anyone with more than a 10th grade education. The context had nothing to do with Marx, per se, but his remark, as a stand alone, has a historical context of its own that is quite appropriate to the purpose of my article, which is not to invoke any of his arguments or "claim some intellectual credibility," but to use the familiar to create a tone.

Your homepage

Nils L.: I have not yet read all your writings on this homepage, but it was such a relief to realize that I am not alone in being skeptical (understatement!) to radical feminism. I find your analysises very insightful and interesting, although I might be of a different opinion when it comes to a few details. (But that can also be a matter of different ethnical and cultural heritage).

I am student at the university here in Stockholm, and have there read gender-history (which was mandatory) and also otherwise been subjugated to what can only be described as androphobic demagogy unworthy of a university. Although I believe that the engine of what you call pop-feminism is in North America, also here in northern Europe the extremism has been growing rapidly during the last years.

Considering all the ethnic, religious and social conflicts (armed and otherwise) there already are on this overpopulated globe, I find it saddening that also gender issues should become a battlefield. It would be better to cooperate. However, I personally am fed up with taking shit (pardon my language) just because I was born male, European and Christian. Trying to take the honour from the man just because he is a man is to take away the backbone of society.

All the radical feminists have really accomplish it to humiliate, hurt and sometimes crush the sensitive men that used to support the struggle for equal rights and responsibilities. The lice will hardly care nor change their behavior.

I would be very grateful for an answer, or just an acknowledgment that someone has read my mail, and wish you all the best luck in your struggle for true equality!

AmeriMall link

David Derr: After extensive searching of the InterNet for excellent site content, and/or large, and/or complete sites, we have added your site to our address AmeriMall!. In order to obtain more hits to each of our sites in a CO-OP manner, we ask if you would please visit this site (for your approval in linking up).

An abused Dad

KD: MY DAUGHTER WAS CIRCUMCISED FROM MY LIFE BY A DEADBEAT MOTHER WHO WAS SUPPORTED BY A DEADBEAT JUDGE WHO WAS PUT INTO OFFICE BY A DEADBEAT POLITICIAN AND CUTTING SKIN OFF A PENIS IS A "HOT TOPIC!" GIVE ME A FUCKIN' BREAK.

Congratulations & Salutations

Brian L.: I'm 43yr.old born in England, have been living in Australia since 1968 I have very shaky defacto relationship of 12yrs. from which a darling little sprang.

My spouse/partner is of the feminist ilk and tends to be man hater (this man any way) my point here is I don’t wish for my daughter to follow that path. Obviously the "meritocracy" philosophy is appealing and one I tend to embrace, but not without it's problems. It's enlightening and supportive to have found your 'page', at a particularly difficult time in my relationship. Keep up the good work!

Have only been online for a couple of weeks but yeh ,one of the best sites I've hit on yet.

Prostitution

Rajko B.: I think you misunderstood Esther Vilar. Read her other books. Also her boyfriend's Klaus Vagns book.

Vilar thinks that prostitutes are the most fair deal (for men). Easy to do a cost benefit analysis of that and most other deals...

I agree with her and admire her as one of the biggest thinkers of today...

Article from Backlash! wanted...can't find it online

Angi (It doesn't have to be a war, it's not a case of either/or.): I'm after an article that I believe was published in The Backlash! entitled "A Patriarchy Ruled By Women?". I can't find it on the Backlash homepage.

Which brings me to something else; have you considered implementing a search facility on the page? IMO it's large enough to warrant one.

Third thing; can I use some of the cover art on my own page? I particularly like the picture of a baby with the words "at what age do we start to blame this man for all the world's problems?" The author and the backlash will be credited and a link to the backlash put in.

Editor: Thank you.

New mag: 'Divorce'

Chad M.: A new commercial magazine is supposed to hit the racks today; title: 'Divorce'. It's supposed to be a 'how-to' publication dealing comprehensively with the personal aspects of divorce.

I believe it has a female editor. Look out!

Child Support

Annon: I am a single father who has custody of my two children (daughter 10 and son 6) and have had since my son was six months old. I was divorced in 1990 from their mother. She, however, came back in 1992 and wanted to break the divorce so she could divide my property again. She also stole the money from Amys' savings account and her older sons' account that I had established. We settled out of court for another $27,000 because it was cheaper than going to court. She then proceeded to get a job as a bank teller where she embezzled 18,000 and the FBI was trying to get a case against her when they contacted me. Of course she has never paid any support.

I only mention all this because I doubt I could have gotten these two children in court if she had not ran off and given them to me. The law needs to be changed!

She speaks for all women?

Lori M.: Women do not go to Child Support Collection Agencies because they want to embarrass, harass, or annoy an ex spouse who pays child support. These agencies are created not only to enforce support but to be a mutual clearinghouse for domestic relations cases. It is often in the best interest of both parents to have a third party collect and record the payments so that there can be no dispute about if and when the support was paid, additionally, the child support agency protects the CHILDREN from not being fully compensated by both parents by applying the states guidelines for equitable support amounts, such as when one parent gets a raise, etc. Most state REQUIRE that divorced parties sign up at the time of their dissolution for such services. Additionally, the custodial parent should not have to be the bookkeeper, when a parent sets his budget for the month, they expect the check for co support to be on time and regular, wage assignment assures them this. It is not right to force the mother or other custodial parent to depend on another, one who obviously will never again have a respectful relationship with her, to put the check in the mail so that it arrives in time to meet the budget of the child's family. Think about it.
Editor: At the various jobs I have worked (mostly anonymous as to who I am), I have had the opportunity to listen to women complain about how, after they had been out "tom catting" around and got pregnant, the father (as best they could determine) was unwilling to "do the right thing." (As though anyone could reasonably expect that jerks who "tom cat" around would be responsible.) So, they nail the guy they think is the father, or who they know they can sucker into believing he's the father (two studies done more than 30 years apart indicate at least 5 and perhaps as many as 20 percent of all children in the US are not the offspring of the man who thinks he's the father because his wife said he was).

Point is NOT that all women go to CSCA to make themselves a pain in the ass. They don't. In fact, a lot of divorced mothers have as many complaints about Support Enforcement as the fathers do, and feel the agencies create more problems than they solve. However, some people abuse the system. That's problem number 1. Problem number 2 is that, thanks to pop feminists, it is presently politic to assume that women never abuse the system. Consequently, the (relatively few, but in absolute terms, many) women who do abuse the system are far more likely to get away with it than not.

If it seems an extreme view to suggest that we make the system totally fair, then I would suggest the problem is NOT with those who suggest the system should be made totally fair, but with those who think fairness, equal rights AND responsibilities, are extreme views.

Wow!!!

JM: Congratulations! For once I may sleep knowing that I am not alone in what I feared!!!

Your article on 'Nice Guys', was terrifyingly accurate. Just to illustrate to you how accurate...I'll tell you the following story:

I took a SEX & GENDER class at my college, the program consisted of 'understanding' the differences between men and women. The class consisted largely of women. I was in the fight of my life.

You were correct. They all would unanimously complain about searching for that 'nice guy'.

And yet when it came to a bitch session, they would all complain about how terrible men have treated you. When I replied that women were by far responsible for this...by choosing to go out with assholes, and telling the nice guys to 'just be friends'.

THEY SCREAMED ME OUT! THEY DAMNED ME! THEY HATED ME!

I was the only one in the class that attempted to debate anything over relationships. All the other guys would scoff and laugh at me, outside of class...they quietly backed me up, but in class.

It was a different universe.

At the beginning of the course when I told the class that for a guy to get a girl, he must...MUST be a scumbag. The teacher told me afterwards to 'quit rocking the boat'.

Oddly enough, when that course was over, that same teacher I met later on in a hallway. She shook my hand and thanked me.

For the simple reason that she is teaching SEX & GENDER again, but without a free thinking man like me. She explained that the class was dreadfully boring, since all the men and women agreed all the time. I was hinted that this bothered her.

Irony has it's rewards I guess.

Still though, if I did play my cards and lie like the rest of those guys I would of probably have a girlfriend.

But then again, I wouldn't be as content as I am now...knowing that being honest to oneself is the great cure of many a man's ailments.

Anyhow, hopefully you have skimmed through this letter.

You are a great benefactor to our cause. I thank you terribly. I will spread your writings to as many colleagues of mine. I think it's time we kill off the nice guy.

Child Custody 90/10 split insults all males

J.Quirk: The first story in this article matches the true story of my husband. I would like to get more information on what we could do to help change the laws for the rights of the man in this situation. Is there an organization you can recommend for petitioning legislation?

I would appreciate any advice or information.

The Backlash Boutique

Joe F.: I recently came across a "liberal" catalog that displayed T-shirts, caps, and buttons for various causes, including feminism. I was upset (but not surprised) that there were none for the Men's Movement. I think the Backlash Boutique is a great idea. Do you have any plans for adding more T-shirt designs to the boutique?
Editor: Yes. :-)

Attitude

P. Graham: I like your attitude

New Mafia

Randy Lewis: In the September, 1996 issue of Good Housekeeping there is a letter from a reader on page 20 that states the existence of a Toronto-based organization entitled: "Mothers Against Fathers In Arrears (M.A.F.I.A.). The authors of the letter were Regina May and Kaarina Pakka, Chairpersons of the Canadian M.A.F.I.A. The letter stated that M.A.F.I.A. has recently established a USA chapter. That address is: Tina Aikman, vice chairperson, 2217 S. Bonham, Amarillo, TX 79107.

Apparently, this organization is the Canadian equivalent of A.C.E.S. (Association for Children for Enforcement of Support). At one time, A.C.E.S. introduced legislation, via Henry Hyde, to have the IRS collect child support (maternal revenue service), with the ensuing penalties and late fees. Fortunately, the bill did not pass.

I guess we can add M.A.F.I.A. to the growing list of misandrist feminizt organizational groups -- S.C.U.M. (Society to Cut Up Men), Babes with Axes, Lesbian Avengers, Men are Not Cost-Effective (book), All Men Must Die! (web site) and the Purple Berets. Gee, I think that Ms. might be short for MStake, MSandry, MSinformation and MSrepresentation.

I think that Rod Van Mechelen of The Backlash! has the best men's organizational acronym -- N.E.V.E.R. (Network for the Elimination of Vaginally Elitist Rabble)

... Men are from Mars. Feminizts are from Uranus.

Family Guardian Network New Vermont Web site

Kenneth Mahren: There is now a Parents & Children for Justice in Vermont Family Court web site dedicated to reform of Vermont Family court System. Currently Vermont's only web site dedicated to this pursuit.

Please post links where ever possible so Vermont Parents going through this disgraceful system will find help.

Men's Movement & Warren Farrell

P. Christo: Just a quick note to let you know I stumbled on your site. Finally!

I read Warren Farrell's book some two years ago and I have to say, it was one of the most influential books I have ever read.

I was amazed that little seemed to have happened as a consequence. Here in the land of OZ anyway. It certainly skewed how I perceived the man woman role thing.

Please include me in any mail lists you choose, and good luck with your effort.

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

Televisi\sn Nacional de Chile

Televisi\sn Nacional de Chile: Santiago, Chile, July 29 1996, Hello Rod, I hope you remember us; we interviewed you on February for our TV program, EL Mirador. I am writing to you because we did the program on MEN, but unfortunately the interview we did on you didn't go. Our problem was that we had too much material from Europe, the US and Chile, so we had to leave many things out. It was a pity, because it was a good interview, but these decisions are made by the boss.
Editor: Maybe her boss didn't like the part where I mentioned that an increasing number of American men I know are seriously considering moving to South America because they hear that the women there still treat men with respect, and like men who treat them with respect.

Of all the interviews I have done, I confess this was the most pleasant -- unlike their North American counterparts, they seemed less interested in juicy sound bites than thoughtful answers to complex questions. The U.S. press could learn a thing or two from them.

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