Editor: As a lobbyist in Washington state for Washington Families (formerly Parents Opposed to Punitive Support), Michelle Delo has been a strong and effective proponent of fairness in divorce and custody arrangements, and an ally of divorced fathers. Please read her request below. She has my highest regard and I recommend her for this position without reservation. - Rod Van Mechelen, publisher.Michelle Delo: I desperately need help getting a message out to any and all interested men's rights people re: the upcoming NCFC board of directors elections. Could you post something somewhere introducing me as a men's/father's activist, giving my email address and asking anyone who cares about the future of the movement, but especially NCFC members, to get in touch asap?
George McCasland, Communications Director of National Congress of Fathers and Children has suggested that I run for their Board of Directors. The election would be held in August at the national convention, at which I will be giving a presentation. In order to run I must be nominated by five members. If any of you are NCFC members and would like to see me on the ballot, or if you know an NCFC member and they might nominate me, I would appreciate it! You would need to email RIGHT AWAY to George: Tell him you want to nominate me, and give your name and NCFC membership number. Any questions call me 206.939.4032 or email back. Thanks a lot guys!
I like the idea of a new chivalry. Take a look sometime at my Fathering Magazine site.
For years I considered myself a "feminist" according to the definition on your definitions page. All along, I knew there was something wrong with the term and that it had a basis in sexism, I just didn't have a better term. Equity feminism is a bit better, but from now on I shall refer to myself as an "equalitarian". Thanks for the new term.
It's hard to put my finger on an exact time when I knew how much the misanthropy I see in much so-called feminism bothered me but I do remember a key turning point in my thinking.
I remember when the story about Lorena Bobbit first hit the news and it was before any information was available about the possible abusiveness of her husband. What really upset me was the reaction of many women that I know. Without any knowledge of the facts, they laughed when they heard that a woman had cut off her husband's penis. The immediate assumption was that the man must be guilty of something and that the woman was totally justified!
Well, I haven't much time for writing now. Best of luck on the job search and keep up the good work.
If I can ever help your efforts in a mannner that involves researching on the web (my specialty) please let me know.
I'm not blind to my son's problem, but as a father, I'm not given much in the way of authority to wield. I live, against my will, in Israel, where fathers have no status whatsoever; they are for paying debts and jumping on live grenades only. When I reported the incident to the social worker who placed my son in the group, at first she refused to hear me out; later, she said that she does the same to her own children. She really was lukewarm to my protests that this treatment would further harm a child with a problem.
The same day of the incident, the local newspapers made a big scandal about a teacher who did the same to a student. What was the difference? The victim was a GIRL! I approached the press, and what did I get? Blanket apathy! "You knew your son had a problem." "What do you want from her? She doesn't get paid so well." "It's your fault for putting him there." Why confuse the issues with facts? I'm to blame because I'm the father, period.
This story is, for me, only the tip of the iceberg, but the timeliness of the article prompted me to write right away. I've seen cases of marital assault where the female assailant claimed to be the victim and got away with it so many times that I can't register outrage any more, but I can't accept it, either.
When recently I spoke with a man who had also been put through the mill with a divorce, he accepted this doormat role for men by saying, "That's our job." I told him, "They want equality; make it REAL equality and I'll say yes. Otherwise, no deal!" He looked at me as if I had horns and a tail. Do I?
I was coming out of our obstetricians office when I noticed what looked like a doll mold made out of solid fiberglass with straps for the legs and abdomen. I asked with a sinking feeling what it was for, and my doctor grimaced and said it was a circumcision board, her least favorite part of the job. When I got to the car, I cried for ten minutes.
Eight hours after our daughter was born, they administered a PKU test, which is done by lancing the heel of the foot to obtain a blood sample. My supressed impulse in reaction to her screams was to belt the technician and grab my child. There is no way anyone can convince me that a child of a day "can't feel it" or is just screaming as an automatic reaction. If you have to strap down the already helpless and weak infant to keep it from struggling and knocking away the "sensation", then it is hurting him.
There is no excuse for inflicting excruciating pain on a child for no scientific reason. Surgery to repair a heart valve, a liver transplant, yes. But slicing off a small fold of skin that is a functioning part of a rather important organ for no other reason than vanity or tradition should be criminal. Period. Men and women must be educated on this issue. I feel the best way to do this is to confront them when the topic is paramount, that is when they are expecting a child. Perhaps a fact sheet made available at the obstetrician's office. (The three midwives I know discourage the practice very openly. The doctors I interviewed refused to take a position. Money talking?)
This practice should become obsolete as soon as possible. It will be recognized as a shameful mistake of the past, much like cupping, bleeding, and other useless, superstitious "medical interventions".
Editor: Certainly, there are lots of "deadbeat dads." Lots of mothers who murder their children, too. The trick is to not stereotype everybody on the basis of a relative few. Just because 61 percent of murdered children are killed by their mother does not mean we should cast aspersions on all mothers. What's more, just because the number of "deadbeat moms" is much higher than the number of "deadbeat dads" doesn't mean we should stereotype all women on the basis of them, either.While I know nothing about your sister, of course, her case reminds me of a young woman I worked with last year. She got pregnant, and the boy who was the father got scared. Neither one of them were 21, and neither were prepared to be parents. One day she came to work and angrily called him a "boy." She said he was immature, not a real man, but just a child. Made me wonder about the girl who was immature enough to sleep with him.
And nowhere is this more true, than here in the U.K., where Almost all of our local government organisations, and townhalls are run by the lunatic left wing. And god help any male townhall official, or employee (white or black) who do not tow the line, they will find themselves in court before you can say sexist. And if by some miracle, the man is found not guilty of any charges, it is not unknown for the local bully girls (feminazis) to swing into action, and hound this person in the most monstrous fashion, until he either resigns from his job, or commits suicide.
It is a sad fact, that men alone cannot put a stop to this criminal behaviour, as we are in a no win situation, thanks largely to the media. We therefore must rally the support of women, especially the sensible feminist groups whose ideals have been hijacked, and abused to further the aims of Marxist extremists.
Great to know you're there. I'll be back. Would you like a tale of spousal abuse and gender bias?
Editor: Thank you. I am expanding the scope to include sections for both The Backlash! ...against Political Monoliths and another against Corporate Monoliths.At first, I will probably not carry anything explicit about employee abuse. That would get me closed down since I have no means, at present, to do any substantiating investigations into such reports.
As we progress, however, I hope to change that.
Just like the artical says about the female continuing the emotional abuse even after seperation with divorce wich she has filled for, after i filled for a restaining order against her. Because she became violant both emotionaly and physacaly And wanted me to leave our residence permanetly because she claimed that I stunk yes B.O and this time I did leave and i got the restraining order to keep her from begging me to come back, Witch I have done countless times because my love for her and my family made me blind to her abuse on me.
Since I left she has moved out of our residence,took everything,had the courts order that I have supervised visitation with our doughter and has gotten away with it because I was aressted. Even though I told the police after I Called them that she was the instagator and that she was beating me. But because I slapped her and she said that her ear was ringing from me slapping her they took me.
Please send more info or any advice that might be of help to me.
I would like to send this message to Peter Raeside about his feature in this month's issue.
- While we all deny our own suffering, we do ourselves a dis-service:-(
- At the moment we are circumcised we don't have the ability to remember it in thoughts or words, only in feelings!
- We as men are condemmed for our violent nature, but the first thing we are exposed to is this violence and abuse :-)
- We are programed from the first to be the protector and provider :-( Why is that this is denied ?
- Please check-out this site and see if you don't have some gut reaction to the info and pictures there :-)
- I've showed the pictures to a lot of men and every time they can't even stand to look at the pictures of the male infants!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for printing it. I cried as I read because I am the victim of abuse by a woman, and no one takes it seriously. While the physical abuse was very limited (some scratching, etc.), the mental abuse that you outlined was precisely correct. I don't know why, but no one ever saw the following as symptoms of abuse:
Again, I could write a book. Thanks a lot. Use anything here as public information.
"Women Vote" is a joint project of Emily's List and the Democratic National Committee to get women to vote and to vote for President Clinton and Democrats. The focus of the project will be on 5 states: Iowa, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Washington; where approximately one million women will be contacted by mail or phone. The project will also focus on non-college-educated women. Millions of dollars will be spent.Issues of concern for women which will be emphasized: economic security, crime, healthcare, protecting a woman's right to choose, education, and measures to prevent and punish domestic violence.
"Women are our principal concern, and the concerns of women are in harmony with the policies and programs of the Democratic Party." - Fowler
"If we are going to win, we are going to win with the votes of women. It is just that simple." - Fowler
To begin with, as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity of counseling numerous couples concerning their rotten sex lives. I have been hearing over and over again, how each partner is dissatisfied with the others performance. This seems to be the common complaint voiced by the majority of people I have counseled.
In the early stages of my practice, I was at a loss to know what to advise these people on. Mainly because my own sex life was in such a shambles. I decided it was time for me to fix my personal problems, before I could be of any real use to my patients. What I discovered made a profound difference in my own sex life.
I learned how the master lovers of all time had been able to satisfy their women. As I picked up various techniques, I experimented with them and was able to prove their validity. As time went on, I inturn advised others on ways they could improve their sexual relationships. I was overjoyed to learn that most of the people who gave these new techniques a fair test, had unbelievable results.
The bottom line: The problems with men and women can to a large degree be overcome when their sex lives have been improved. I've seen this work in the lives of many couples who were really concerned about mutual self-improvement.
I believe that sex holds the key to the improvement of most marriages today. Good sex, is something most people have never known. These same individuals will live out their lives in quiet desperation, never knowing what total satisfaction means.
You have been victimized by a well orchestrated effort to take concern away from the children and their attackers and put the blame on the "system out of control."
Well things are falling apart here for Roberson and Co. New information was discovered on video tapes from Ms Lyon re interviews. It looks like Roberson was accused of things that were not included in the report. There may be more.
You can save yourself further embarassment by getting some facts. Read the Wenatchee World and court transcripts. I think you will agree that you were victimized.
Hopefully, you will be more careful in the future to get the facts befor crying wolf.
Good luck
Editor: The point I made with reference to the witch hunt in Wenatchee, as anyone who actually understands grammatical construction and the English language would be able to infer, is that the McMartin case did NOT have a "'chilling affect' on prosecution of legitimate cases."As for the prosecution of the Wenatchee cases, whether they turn out to be bogus or legitimate, they were, by definition (and almost by admission of the prosecutors) "witch hunts."
At the risk of being facetious, "hopefully, you will be more careful in the future to get the facts befor [sic] crying wolf."
Fathers' Resources International - Working within the "Fathering Community" locally, nationally and internationally, we provide informed commentary, raising public awareness about divorce solutions; Child focused communication tools and co-parenting strategies to reduce conflicts; Education for parents, the courts, government and others.Research indicates that 90% of fathers' in divorce situations face extreme difficulty. 10% do not. The sessions focus on teaching the strategies of the 10% who have successfully overcome the usual divorce difficulties fathers face such as denial of parenting time (access/visitation denial), enforcement of orders, effective representation of case in court, finding and retaining effective attorney's, Securing an effective mediator. Mediation/litigation strategies designed around the best interests of children. Effective parenting and or co-parenting plans. Contact for fee schedule.Toronto Fathers' Resources - Currently meets monthly. Group is run by custodial father/paralegal. Focus is on coaching/mentoring win-win child focused/parenting oriented solutions and strategies. Monthly talk, question and answer period, new video topic monthly. Worldwide referrals on fathering & divorce issues and support groups are available through us. There is a monthly newsletter focused on divorce strategy. Monthly meetings are recorded on audio cassettes and are available for $10.00 (US FUNDS ONLY) which includes shipping/taxes. Examples of topics are: (a) The Parenting Diary (b) The secret to joint custody is...(c) Co-parenting plans Modus Operandi International Corporation - Paralegal/custodial father provides counseling for separated and divorced fathers experiencing difficulties with the legal system. Counseling consists of coaching/mentoring sessions of approximately 2-3 hours bi-weekly.
Sunday's Sun brought with it the normal squawks from all sides of many Canadian issues. It also brought home to me how little concern there is for the hurting male within our society. Men's health? Not an issue. Male crime victims? Not an issue. Unemployed? Homeless? Hurting? If you're male they're not issues.Female health issues got three pages. Men's health got none. So we males never get sick; we have no health needs and therefore no need for information. Have you ever tried searching the Internet for men's health information? Try it. You'll get 1,000 women's health references for every men's. Even Health Canada refuses to list men's health as a Canadian topic. They send one to David Throope's page in the US.
Barbara Amiel, whom I normally enjoy, wrote about the vulnerability of female patients. There is some truth in her words, yet how much more vulnerable is a male crime victim. Have you ever tried getting help far a male rape victim? Nothing's better as an exercise in futility crossed with exasperation. Have you ever tried protecting a battered father and his kids? While you protect there are women seeking to increase his pain and turn his children over to his abuser. Try it. You won't like it.
The article, by Carrie Hind seems to address the issue of men"s health as one of greater importance than it has been given. I found it to be very interesting.
Also, would you be interested in some writings dealing with Anger Management?
Editor: Yes! Thank you.
My personal story is very long, very painful, and not one that I can easily post. In the past, I did so on some other Web sites; the total apathy I encountered hurt worse than the problem itself, which was pretty horrendous. My brother was dying of AIDS in New York. Although I am an American citizen, I was married to an Israeli in the past and had children with her; I learned, too late to escape, that any man who fathers a child with an Israeli can be trapped in the country until the children come of age. My ex knew this and held me here as my brother died. I never saw him again. I did not get to attend the funeral. I did not get to be with my family during the mourning. Now I am trying to get the court injunction reversed, and it's only spawned more litigation from a belligerent ex-wife who never remarried and will fight just to prove that she's not a loser.
I appealed to the US Embassy, which not only refused to help but lied to my congressman about the law here -- and I have a letter to that effect in my possession. I appealed to everyone I could in cyberspace, but the appeals yielded nothing.
The worst part is that I am held here against my will because I pay support to children that I don't even see. The law in Israel allegedly links child visitation to child support, but American men are in a particularly bad situation in that the courts see them as the wealthy slimeballs who deserve to be plundered and that the Israeli women who do so are virtuous. I've known numerous men who "just disappeared", and I don't know if they're alive today. I know of one who escaped the country illegally and is in the US today, but he's lying low, fearful of being discovered by both the US and the Israeli authorities.
In Israel, the problem is radically different for native-born Israelis and immigrants. Immigrant men have culture shock when they discover the legal mess they are in here, and they are virtually defenseless. Israeli-born men, on the other hand, would never admit to being at a disadvantage; they are too macho to admit vulnerability, even when it exists. It's for this reason that the status of men in Israel is worse than in the US; men are for paying bills, taking out trash, and jumping on live grenades and nothing more.
I've thought of setting up my own Web page, because in the past, my story just got swallowed up; a petition got almost no signatures and, consequently, moved nobody to do anything. I identify myself with only one name, one that is common in Israel, so as to avoid being detected here; the police could just come and arrest me, take me away, and do away with me if I were discovered. What I am doing would make waves.
I'm just giving you background information. Please give me some in return. I need the outside contacts.
Thank you very much.
Editor: I would be delighted. Thanks!
As a mother of two boys, I know that men are subjected to outrageously unfair expectations by society, and are not protected as well or loved as much as they deserved to be!
One of the articles mentions Take Daughters to Work Day, which also outraged me, because I would have loved to take my son to work with me to show him what I do (although watching a technical writer at work would probably put him to sleep!) However, you're putting the blame on the wrong people!
With your ex-wife you were screwed by the system and by judges--and guess what? Women are also being screwed by the system!! It appears to me that the people who are grossly negligent, abusive, and deserve to be screwed by our legal system are the ones who are able to manipulate it the best.
I was in an abusive marriage, and although my husband had to pay a whopping $450 a month for child support for two children (he's a software engineer), he didn't have to pay half of the childcare expenses, which at the time were $400 a month, or for the years of counseling I and my children had to go through as a result of the abuse.
I've accumulated thousands of dollars in debts trying to get my family back on track, while he's been able to buy a house, take vacations to other countries, date (which I don't have for because I'm trying to work and raise healthy kids, although after reading your article about stepfather laws I'm beginning to wonder if I would even be ABLE to date someone if I chose to because of this law which I was unaware of, disagree with, but am being held hostage to).
Incidentally, I think you got a raw deal with your boss firing you because you exercised your freedom of speech. However, remember that we're all in the same boat and the real enemey is an incompetent legal system and bizarro views of what families are "supposed" to be like.
Editor: Must be confusing me with somebody else -- never been married, don't have any children. However, I do adamantly oppose the feminist extremists. I make clear what I mean by this in several chapters in my book (located in the "library" at this site) and on the definitions page, where I distinguish between "feminists," "pop feminists," "new rage women," "femigogues," and so on.We also agree regarding the legal system: almost 2 years before the cover article in the May 6, 1996, issue of Forbes magazine warned that sexual harassment cases are more beneficial to lawfirms and "experts" than to either plaintiffs or their employers, Gene Hopp and I said precisely the same thing in a feature article in the June 1994 issue of The Backlash!